Thursday, October 30, 2008

Becoming "single" again

No, we didn't break up. I am just going through the emotions before he leaves. Right now my self sufficient personality is coming back in force. As the days get closer to this minor, two year change in living arrangements, I am starting to get very worried. This in turn is making me get very defensive, in all honestly mean to him. I don't want to be, but I can't stop my reactions to things. I am sitting here and he might crack a joke that I normally would laugh at but I just look at him with that blank stare.

Another thing I am noticing is that I used to love to cook for him. It was normal for me to cook for both of us every day and look forward to it. Now, I don't want to cook. I want to do what I like to call the "Single snack". It is what I did when I lived alone and single. No real meal, just snacking. I want to cook for him but I don't feel like I have the energy.

I know this is a funk I need to get out of but I really hope it goes away before he does.

Monday, October 27, 2008

Stop giving me that look!

Why does everyone just assume that because The Boy is moving away that we are no longer going to be together? And when I say we are, they give me this look like I must be out of my mind. It is really starting to get old.

Friday, October 24, 2008

Friday night

Hehe...I am going to miss this. The Boy is putting up the dishes in the kitchen and being a complete dork about it.

There was a time that I would freak if it wasn't' done my way. Now I am going to miss him putting all the silverware in one section of the holder. Or his still asking where things go each time.

Multiple personalities

Some days, I want to take on the world, move up the corporate ladder, be serious, and very adult.

Some days, I wanna be carefree, enjoy life, make my blog bright and pretty, like pink, cook, organize, create gift for friends, talk about shopping (ok not so much), and just not have a care in the world.

I need to learn I can be very aggresive in my career, wear my work clothes, listen to NPR and my classical music ( I do it cause I like it!!), then come home, throw on one of the many pairs of Converse in my cloest, throw food all over the kitchen to cook, study a little, and enjoy a little pink mixed in my my favorite blue, gray, and purple. I can like flowers (just not in prints).

I feel like I am not normal sometimes in my likes and dislikes. It feels like sometimes no one but The Boy gets me. I am OK with that, but some days you just want to meet another soul like you.

Monday, October 13, 2008

Guilt

Why do I always feel guilty about being sick?

I am currently sitting in my office, feeling like I could throw up at any minute, too tired to get anything done, not caring about any thing, giving people the evil death stare but yet I can’t say I am sick and go home and sleep. It is to the point where I am crying but yet I still can’t go home.

I have it in my head that if I get up and say I am going home that I am going to get the disapproving look from my boss and feel guilty for heading home. So instead, I sit here, staring out the window feeling like crap.

Thursday, October 9, 2008

Second Chances

I spent my afternoon in the lawyer’s office yesterday helping cut down our legal fees and get things ready for the first round of this M&A process. I had a blast, I really did. I think I was more shocked that the lawyers in the office were all my age.

The lawyer assisting us with this process noted my abilities at the legal process and asked if I ever thought about law school. Have I ever thought about it…..only since I was 7! Not sure why I didn’t do it, but time has passed and it still can’t get out of my head.

I am really considering going once my MBA is done. That should be in two years and this phase of my life and my company should be over and I will have a nice little egg in the bank. It would be so nice to be able to fully focus on law school. I am just not sure if my career can handle three years off or if I want to be working and doing law school at night. I figure I have 2 years to figure it out.