Thursday, December 31, 2009

2009 - Be gone with you.

As my last post of 2009, I thought it only right to look back on the year I wish would have never happened.

The year started out with having to face the realization that my parents were not always going to be here. My daddy got pretty sick and really scared the heck out of me. I realized in that time who my true friends were and was shocked at by who wasn't there for me (leading to lots of drama in the coming months).

My baby got sick in May and I had to let her go exactly a month after she got sick. She was my constant companion for 13 years. Every time I cried she was there to comfort me. Buster (her sister, the name has a great story) and I both were sad for a good few months and to this day, I still say goodnight to both of them.

The Boy and I broke up in July after a tumultuous few months. I think once I realized that he wasn't "The One" I fought like hell to make him so. Once I figured out that was not going to happen I was able to let go and have slowly started moving on.

Throughout all of this, my job became more and more stressful. We sold our company in June after I worked my butt off for over a year to make it happen. I hate office politics and got thrown into it and it really took it's toll on me. In December the new owners defaulted on payments and more drama happened. As a result, the franchise took the business back, screwed my boss, and I am finishing up one more project on a consultant basis and then I am out too. This past month has been everyone treating me rude and acting like I am trying to screw them over. Of course, I see that when I see that they are not running the business but instead "playing office". They had no clue what my boss or I did and in the last few weeks there no one wanted to learn. It is heartbreaking seeing something I helped build being torn apart. I have had to learn to let go and just remove myself.

So 2009, you sucked but in all of the loss that you gave me, you also gave me a new start. I am looking forward to 2010 and fresh starts in all areas.

Last Christmas present

Guess who has a new purple purse!!! Purchased with none of my own money so I didn't spend a dime of my new budget. :) And as a shock to my friends, I changed out my makeup bag. No more red one; I now have a nice pretty pink satiny one. I guess I am living by the saying, "keep them guessing."

Modification of Menu

I must be enjoying freedom or else my mind is still decompressing from working. I completely forgot when I made out the menu that it was New Year's eve this week! DUH!!!!

So, modifications must be made.

Thursday...pre-festivity salad and munchies at party
Friday...Black eye peas, greens, and cornbread
Saturday...pork chops, mash potatoes (going to try to lighten them up), green beans.

I'm still working on my 2010 goals and want to post those tomorrow. I need some reflection time so I think tomorrow calls for a treat of writing at Starbucks tomorrow morning (purchased on a gift card of course).

PS..oh my word!!! My dog snores worse than any one I have ever heard!! But when you look at that funny face, it doesn't really matter. :)


Wednesday, December 30, 2009

Exciting Wednesday night

Well we are all back at the house...by all I mean one spoiled queen cat, one short funny looking manic dog, and one sweet genius Lab and me. And all seem to think that being within 2 feet of me is the best spot in the house. I couldn't be happier.

I finally cried about everything that happened these past few months and broke down about it all. I realized in the middle of it that I haven't just let it go like that in a while. It was just what I needed.

Tonight, I am spending the night cleaning house and purging all of my crap. I am giving away all of my old work shirts and bags, all but a few special things from past relationships, old files from my past jobs that I will never need, clothes that don't fit, things that are broken, old, don't fit with my house, things that are duplicates, and anything I don't want. My goal is to fill my empty dining room with stuff and have them come pick it up next week. I WANT IT GONE. 2009 was a shitty year and it is time to just get rid of it all.

Monday, December 28, 2009

Still on Vacation

Still on vacation! I can't believe I slept till 10:30 this morning! Thank goodness I am at the parents' house tonight puppy sitting or else I would probably sleep till 10:30 tomorrow too. But being here, the pups won't let me sleep that long. Of course, I have no clue what I am going to do tomorrow until my 2pm meeting. I would like to get a for fun book to read so I might head up to Target to see what they have so I can use my gift cards and not my cash.

Oh!! My final present was a gift certificate for Spa Finders. I have already found a new spa to try so next week is going to be a 90 minute massage. I am looking forward to it more than you can ever imagine! And I hope my Note gets to me in time so I can buy the purse that I want while it is in stock and on sale. Between that and the gift cards I got, I will be able to pay for it without using any of my own money! That will be my last hurrah for a while...spending is being curtailed until my income in steady again and I get the last spree paid off.

Well, nothing much more to say tonight. Kind of still emptying my mind of the events of the last few months and trying to move past my last job so I can move to better things.

Sunday, December 27, 2009

Sunday dinner success

The BBQ chicken was an A. In the spirit of eating what is at the house, I didn't buy hamburger buns to make BBQ sandwiches, instead I used tortillas and made homemade BBQ soft tacos with my homemade pickles. Very tasty! The recipe can be found here. I did go a little more liberal on the spices listed.

Now I have to clean up and get ready for a busy week. 3 more long days. Meetings, work, appointments, then a New Year's eve party (where yours truly will NOT be drinking) and the a day to start over. I have decided since 2009 for all purposes, SUCKED, I am going to do all of the things I never do and make resolutions. Of course, I am going to take a key from a few others and treat it as 12 goals in 12 months. More to come on that later.

Weekly Menu..budget times

Being short on income for a month or so is making me think about the budget a lot more. I have a freezer and a pantry full of food so it is time to eat off of what I have. I should only have to buy salad stuff and potatoes.

Sunday...BBQ chicken (recipe in Cooking light) with homemade bread.
Monday...to the parents house to puppy sit = eating from their freezer.
Tuesday...parents house
Wednesday...spaghetti and salad
Thursday...pork chops, mashed potatoes and green beans
Friday...BBQ Chicken baked potato
Saturday...pork chop sandwich and potato salad

Thursday, December 24, 2009

I'm not dreaming of a white christmas anymore!

It's snowing! Sure it isn't sticking yet, but it is snowing! It made dealing with the crowds at Target and Goody Goody (yes, I bought alcohol...along with the rest of this town it seems) a little more bearable. People were in good spirits and smiling; kids were yelling "it's snowing!". It's great.

Wrap presents...check.
Bake 4 more fruitcakes...check.
Get teenage appropriate presents...check.
Get rum for 2 rum cakes to bake tonight for tomorrow....check.
Pack for parental units...
clean house for arrival on Christmas for the 2 best and craziest dogs around...

Getting close to being done!!

Wednesday, December 23, 2009

Great first day

About 9:45 last night I got REALLY tired. I realized that without the stress, I was finally unwinding. I slept SO good last night.

Today was a meeting at the new office to go over the infrastructure. I saw the office that will be mine and now I am thinking of how to decorate it! This office will not get trashed like my last one. It was nice being able to go into an office and see nice people as well as more than 2 people. I brought a rum cake that a friend made me as a thanks for having me gift and everyone loved it. Yea for the power of rum cake! I just realized I didn't eat any of it so I might have to make me one tomorrow night at the parental units. Of course I have to go to get the rum. OH!! That's what I will bring to the Christmas dinner too (more on that later).

Once I finished the meeting, I was able to go have lunch with my girls. It is great being in the same area as they are and being able to go have lunch. I look forward to more lunches.

Once lunch was over I went over the the boss/friend's house and hung with him, his wife and their 7 kids....yep, that is NOT a typo. Coming from a house with just me as a kid, seeing how 7 interact is amazing. I think it was because they all don't live there and so they really don't fight but enjoy time together. I ended up there for almost 7 hours! It was fun to just be part of a family again though.

The recurring theme of today seems to be friends as family. I realized that it is just me. I am not close to my cousins or their kids and have issues with them that are too much to go into here. My closest friends have become my surrogate family. My friends' kids my nieces and nephews. It makes me happy that I have people in my life I can consider family.

Bed time for me. Tomorrow it is baking, wrapping, last minute run to Target and heading to the 'rents. Oh, and dealing with some unexpected winter weather. Only in Texas...high of 75 today and snow tomorrow.

Tuesday, December 22, 2009

Free at last!

Well kiddos, I am free. No more going into the office. No more being treated like an ugly step-child. I am free.

At 4:15 I parted ways with the office. Said good-bye to one person, ignored the other and walked out. I still have work I am doing for them but I am doing it from home. I am out of the operations business...and the driving to hell each day business.

It is going to take me a few days to realize I no longer work there. I have so much I want to do now that I have time. However, I am going to stop my brain and just relax.

Nerves please go away

Only about 2 more hours to go at this hellish place and my heart is racing. I know it is a combination of medicine, nerves, and excitement but this anxiety is making my palms sweat and my heart pound!

Think in 2 hours I won't be in this office anymore. In 2 hours, I will be free, in 2 hours I have to start really watching my money, in 2 hours I can finally start unwinding from 5 years of stress and craziness. (as a sidenote, it is amazing how much my face has cleared up since there was an end to everything).

I think tonight deserves a bathroom cleaning and a little cheap decorating and a nice bubble bath.

Monday, December 21, 2009

8 hours till freedom

8 more hours at the office. After that NO MORE. It felt very strange watching them interview for my replacement. But you know, after how these past few weeks have gone, I am more than ready to be out of there. I never knew people I worked with for 5 years could be so backstabbing and rude to me. I guess it just comes from being in my position.

It isn't like I will have much time to veg out. Wednesday I have a meeting at my new office then lunch. Thursday I have to wrap presents and head to my parents. The weekend is mine! Monday I have a 1pm appointment, Tuesday I have to work for my mom (must have a little supplemental income) and then appointment for new job. Wednesday I work, Thursday dentist. After that, I work Tuesday - Thursday for my mom all through January and then Monday and Friday for my unpaid internship if you will. Hopefully, I can start getting paid and have a full time job by February.

Well bed time for me. Must be in at 8am for my last day. I guess I can do that. :)

Sunday, December 20, 2009

Weekly Menu

Last week, I was about 50/50 on following the menu. So I still have some ingredients that I didn't use last week that I need to use up.

Sunday: chow mien (never made last week) - This one is currently cooking My bean sprouts went south so I will have to run up and grab some more.

Monday: Egg rolls and chow mien.

Tuesday: Caesar salad w/ grilled shrimp (might mix up the salad a bit)

Wednesday: BBQ chicken sandwiches w/coleslaw.

Thursday: BBQ chicken w/cornbread and greens.

Friday: Christmas! Dinner w/friends, make something to bring.

Saturday: Shrimp and Feta bake and a movie.

Friday, December 18, 2009

Must get new glasses

For anyone not in the know, I must wear glasses, contacts are not an option. No, it isn't that I have an aversion to sticking my finger in my eye (I happily did that for 17 years). Nope, I am partially blind in one eye and as a way to protect my other eye, my doctor will not give me the prescription anymore.

It kills me sometimes since I am still adjusting to glasses, but when I stop to think about it, close my good eye and look around, I see exactly why it needs to be this way. If something were to happen to my good eye, it would be as my doctor as well as a friend tell me, a significant life altering event.

I am starting to use this "blessing" to get multiple pairs of glasses to go with outfits. Who says I can't accessorize with the spectacles?!? If you really know me, then you know how jazzed I was when I saw this on Corporette this morning....


More info for your own peepers can be found here.

Thursday, December 17, 2009

I have arrived at the light

YEA YEA YEA!!!! I was told today that I am allowed to work from the house for the remaining time on my contract!! We all know what that means...after 5 years of working my butt off, you can bet I will be learning to work the minimum time I need to keep off their radar. :) I already have my schedule decided on. Of course, this means nothing is holding me back from working in the new office, but that is going to happen sometime in January. Goody goody gumdrops!

Even though we are talking 2 weeks that both involve holidays, we are still talking 2 weeks to work on the house, sleep a little late, do the 30 second commute, work till lunch, run errands, and catch up on non school reading until school starts on the 11th.

I am looking forward to moving to the new office soon. I am going to be near my friends again AND near things to do. I can actually do lunch, go shopping, go to the bank, happy hours...in other words, have a life! And I get to have my weekends again!

I still don't have any holiday cheer but at least I can say I am happy about where things are going in my career.

Wednesday, December 16, 2009

Food cravings

Crap, I am craving fajitas!! It is just me so it is impractical to make them. And honestly, fajitas are like sandwiches to me, they don't taste near as good when you make them as when someone else makes them for you. And I am having to watch pennies now that the job is ending. CRAP.

Can I stop time please?

I am currently watching Paula's Cookie Swap and feeling like a complete Christmas failure.

Presents are just thrown around the house. Wrapping paper is no where to be found. Christmas tree is in the attic. One present still to get this weekend. The one Christmas decoration a friend brought me, a poinsettia, is about to die. People will be lucky to get their presents in paper bags.

I feel like I am looking at everyone enjoying the holidays through a window or as a TV show all around me. I am not even phased by them right now. My Christmas plans will be going to my parents' house on Christmas eve, heading to my grandmother's for lunch on Christmas and then heading home to watch TV. My New Year's Eve will consist of an 8am dentist appointment, cleaning house (maybe painting my office finally), cooking dinner, maybe renting a movie and going to sleep well before midnight. Such a change from last year. Not that I am sad and missing it though. Last year was the Christmas and New Year's I wanted to experience once and I got it. I can't complain.

I think the stress of the hell hole is getting to me and preventing me from enjoying the holidays. It is sad when the best present they could give me would be to let me go on Wednesday. I am being told to work slow and stretch it out so I can get paid fro a little longer. It is so bad now that I don't want to do that. But then again, I also don't want my savings for the last 2 years to go towards living for the next few months. At this point though, this place is sucking the life out of me. I have no desire to do anything, to go anywhere, to meet anyone. I just want to get on to the new job where I can be happy working for my mentor and friend and start making my own living. I also get to meet new people and start having a life again. I am most looking forward to having weekends off again. After 5 years, I can finally have my weekends back.

Monday, December 14, 2009

Soup..fail

Well the soup didn't turn out the way it should have. The cheese didn't seem to melt the way I wanted it to. Oh, it was still good..anything with Gouda (or cheese for that matter) is good to me, but it needs more melting. The cat just snuck what was left out of my bowl so I guess she liked it too.

I also didn't get to eat much of it because I had a little accident with my bowl. I am not really sure how it happened but I ended up with a hot bowl of soup all over my lap and my arms...and my new couch. I don't think it is going to stain or show since the couch is dark. The soup was hot enough to cause blisters on my arm. I guess I will be wearing long sleeves tomorrow.

Can you believe it is almost Christmas!! I haven't even started thinking about it. I just realized that I am still missing a few presents that should have been here and I need to get my cards out! Guess I will do that this week when I should be working. :)

Sunday, December 13, 2009

Sunday dinner...a success!!

Sunday dinner was a great success! Just enough sweet and just enough spice. The salmon was perfectly cooked and the walnuts that went on top were toasted and tasted yummy. I ended up doing a spinach salad with it and put some of the toasted walnuts in the salad. I know the amount I ate was the correct amount but I am still hungry! I know the first week is hard when I am trying to get my eating under control and I just have to tough it out.

I decided to really commit to the weight loss and start exercising too. I need to get back to my fighting weight so to speak.

In another note, I got kid hugs today so I am all happy. Why is it that kids, even though they are getting older, seem to know exactly when I need a hug?

Back to routine means menu planning and cooking!

Well, the craziness is (knock on wood) winding down. So I can get back on a normal routine and get life back in order. Time to clean the house, straighten my office up so I can start working from home next week, and most importantly, I am going to start cooking so I can stop eating junk food. That should help with the need to make lose the weight and gain the cash.

This time, in order to try and save a little more, I went with stuff in the house and didn't plan with the thought of just buying everything. I also planned for my leftovers. I am not a fan, but I think it is time to start planning for them and not throwing them out.

Sunday: Walnut Ginger Salmon, wild rice, and green beans
Monday: Slow cooker Chow Mein from my favorite new cookbook and one of my favorite blogs.
Tuesday: Red Pepper and Gouda soup
Wednesday: yo-yo night. What we called left over night when I was a kid. Yo-yo is short for your on your own.
Thursday: Pork chops with steams veggies
Friday: pepper and molasses pulled chicken sandwiches.
Saturday: yo-yo night.
Sweet tooth insurance: angel food cake with berries.

All of the recipes are from my healthier repertoire. Looking forward to a great week!

Saturday, December 12, 2009

Confessions

I have a confession to make....

There are things, I do not understand about things the majority of people seem to like.

One such thing is Pioneer Woman. I know, I am going to some blogger hell for this one but I don't get it! Sure I have been to her site, sure, her photography is good, the recipes look good, but why stand in line for hours just to get a book signed? I know people that sing her praises and go on and on about her and while I am sure she is good and the recipes amazing, I just don't see what the fuss is.

Let's see. I finished up at the crappo office today and I am really unsure if I am going back on Monday. I am supposed to meet with my boss tomorrow to figure it all out. I left it set up like I was not coming back. I put notes on everything that still needed to be done and left my door open. I will be honest, I did shed a little tear when I walked out of my purple office. I mean, it was where I spent the majority of the last 5 years. I was probably there more than I was at my house. I painted the walls myself. It gave me a lot and it cost me a lot. I know it is time to move on, but I get attached and I know that I will miss part of it.

I actually enjoyed my new job today. There is a ton I need to learn. Some of the things are stuff that I feel I should know but don't. I don't want people to know that I am deficient in these things so I am starting to take notes and brush up on it at night. It is stuff I did in undergrad and just have to pull out of my brain. Most if is economics so hopefully once I start studying it, it will start to flow.

Now, off to bed I think.

Thursday, December 10, 2009

Happy days are here again!

Well, it was a good day. I had an easy morning, went to the new office in the afternoon and had a successful shopping trip tonight. Let me focus on the fun part first...the shopping of course!

After the office, I really didn't feel like sitting in traffic and wasting time. The Galleria is on my way home and even though it as Christmas craziness, I decided to bite the bullet and go for it. I lucked into a spot on the first level of the garage. I got into Nordstrom and was able to spend time looking for new shoes (which I really needed). I found a pair of boots I have been eying and score! they were on sale for 1/2 the price. Yippee!!! The sad part was that they Tory Birch's that I tried on didn't fit. My usual size was too small and the next size up was too big. I did find a new pair that I liked. My size wasn't in stock in the color I wanted but I tried on another size and ordered the color I wanted. So in 7-10 days, these babies will be in my closet. The picture does not do them justice, they look amazing on. I think my shopping is going to be coming to an end now (unless my purse doesn't come through for Christmas). If I do end up going to get my purse, I will be waiting until I get my perk to buy it.


Well bedtime for me. I have to actually show up for work at a normal time tomorrow and not the 9:30 I have been doing.

Wednesday, December 9, 2009

The times they are a-changin'

Sorry to Mr. Dylan for taking an amazing title and putting it to a blah blog post. But it just fits perfectly and it has been in my mind all day.

I am free. The official word of my departure has been announced. The plan is in place to get everyone trained to do their own jobs and my replacement is being looked for. I am free.

Tomorrow I get to go to the new job and start working on the transition to get in. Now, what to wear!!!! Oh I am so happy that I can have a reason to wear cute clothes again. I have a ton of new winter clothes sitting in my closet and I have a ton of choices.

While I am happy to go to the new place of employment, I am hoping I can still get away in time to go run and pick up some new shoes. I still have my heart set on the flats. I also have a cute dress and a skirt that is screaming for a pair of boots. The key is to try and find some that will fit over my calves. On my fat days, they are too fat and then when I work out they get too muscular so I need to find some that fit regardless of fat or muscle. I think I found a pair but of course, I never know till I try them on.

You know, I need a mirror. Yes, I am living without a full length mirror. I don't think I have seen an outfit I have worn from head to toe in about 5 years. Guess it is time to do a little shopping for that too!

Sunday, December 6, 2009

Praying for a good week

Next week has to be better than last week. I would be scare if it was worse.

Friday night/Saturday, I slept 3 hours. It was not pretty and I realized why I have been so irritable and emotional lately. No sleep on top of all the crap going on of course led to my breakdown at the office on Friday. I mean a throwing my phone across the room fit. (Have I said before that I have anger management issues when I get pushed passed my limits?) I went home Friday afternoon in tears and emailed in my resignation. My boss talked me out of it and I withdrew it, but that doesn't mean that I won't be putting it back into effect this week, if things don't work right. I have also told my boss to keep the asshole away from me. I am dead serious that he better not talk to me or even look at me funny. If so, I will kill him.

Today, I went and did damage on my shiny card. I justified it because I only go shopping about 2-3 times a year. I was able to see my purse and I know that it will be mine. Either it will be the present from the boss or it will be mine after Christmas. I was happy that my mom could go with me on such short notice. She gets my shopping style and it really great at helping me find things that I might overlook. I think now I have some good things to wear to the new office. I am staying in the finance industry with the new company, but I am changing clientele so I want to be able to dress a little more upscale and for the industry. I have been able to wear jeans everyday for 5 years so it is kind of nice to be able to dress up. I really just can't wait to be out of where I am now. I am very soured on it all and as much as I hate to admit it, I could care less what happens to the place. That is what breaks my heart after I helped build it up from a start up. But, I think that is the art of just growing and moving on.

Thursday, December 3, 2009

1 down, 2 more to go!

Yea!!! As I was sitting on the couch hitting myself for forgetting that about 2 hours ago I got sidetracked going to grab a bottle of wine, I realized the perfect gift for the boss who seemingly has everything and who is starting a new venture that for my personal benefit I hope is successful. When we started the last business, I got him a specific bottle of wine with directions to only drink it once the goal was complete. Now that the bottle is gone, it is time to replace it. So much better than a damn pen that SOMEONE got him last year. (Someone being the ego driven, self obsessed, personal bottom line loving co-worker).

Now, friends and I am done! That one is easy too, I just have to go run a few errands to complete the task.

Christmas almost done!

Parental unit presents are purchased and on their way to la casa.
All that is left are friends and boss. Friends are no problem. For them it is harder to just pick one thing. Boss is the hard one. I will probably do the same old Starbuck's card but after 9 years, that gets old.

Now, to get out the tree this weekend and take some time out of studying to get it put together and get this place Christmas ready.

In other news, it is cold here! I got the courage to light my fireplace tonight. I know I am a wuss. At my old condo I had a wood burning fireplace and I was expert at getting that thing started and getting it going. Now that I am in the house and have a gas fireplace, it freaks me out a little. The first time, I didn't have the handy long matches. I tried to light it with my candle lighter and had a small gas fire ball shoot out of the fireplace. Tonight was success!!

There is a bright light at the end of the work tunnel! I go see my new office next week and work on getting moved over there. I am so excited I can hardly wait!!!

Thursday, November 26, 2009

Eh, must not be in the Holiday mood

I think I have a lot of the bah humbug hitting. Today was just a day, sure I saw family but I could have done without. I have no desire to get in the holiday mood and I am already tired of the holiday commercials. Looks like my usual Christmas blah self is back after the hiatus is went on last year.

I haven't even decided if I am going to put up any decorations. I know I need to get out of this funk because that is all it is, a funk. I can not let it get to me. I just think the shit hole that keeps opening up at work is sucking me into it. I know I shouldn't let work get to me but when my job is literally in limbo it is hard to think of anything else.

I think the being single, having no kids, and really just never making a big deal of Christmas as an adult has something to do with it. It's hard erasing 15+ years of cynical thinking. Oh well, just keep living, putting one step in front of the other and don't let the season get you down. To me, for better or worse, this is just another month with a few days of vacation in it.

Yea, I know, bah humbug.

Wednesday, November 25, 2009

The final approach

Home from work and about ready to start the domestic responsibilities.

You can really tell that men created the Thanksgiving holiday. Who would have put a holiday involving massive amounts of food prep on a weekday? Oh sure, it was created in 1941 when the majority of women didn't work, but still. I mean, I have been super slammed at work and got home a whole 30 minutes early and have to start the cooking for tomorrow. And I am only doing sweets and sides. I couldn't imagine having to do it all tomorrow. I say this every year but this is the last year I celebrate Thanksgiving. Next year, I am just taking the days off and spending it doing EXACTLY what I want and nothing else.

On a completely unrelated note, I am craving Audrey Hepburn and Breakfast at Tiffany's tonight. As I typed that I remembered that I use my laptop as my DVD player right now and I think I might just splurge and buy it off of iTune's and enjoy that while baking tonight. I also think I want to watch a couple more movies this weekend but I don't want to run to Blockbuster. I think iTunes is going to get a workout this weekend.

Enough procrastination...time to clean the kitchen and make four pecan pies and get the veggies ready to roast in the morning.

Tuesday, November 24, 2009

Change is coming....oh crap

Today was a day where my stomach felt like I have spent an hour just spinning around followed my another hour of cartwheels. It is no secret change and I are not the best of friends. It doesn't like me and I don't like it. Well apparently someone forgot to tell change about our agreed relationship. My exit from my current role, just got put on steroids. I spent 5 years building a business with the goal to sell it in 7 years. We sold it in 5 years. Within 6 months, the new buyers defaulted, the franchise is stepping in to pay my boss and my job is to get it ready to flip again. Once it is flipped, I am out. We are breaking it up into 3 separate entities and one is probably already sold. I actually had a conversation with one of the big guys at the franchise and they asked what I wanted to do. I actually said, I won't be staying when they are sold; I will be moving on to the next business I have agreed to set up. All that is left for me is to help get back the business, set it up to be sold, and then train my replacements and I am out. I foresee by February, I will not be employed full time. If anything, I will be part time at both jobs or working on a consultant basis.

I was scared and then a calm hit me on the way to school and it was like for the first time in 5 years I could relax and enjoy some down time. I am really going to push to get a few weeks off before I move to the next one.

Oh, a relaxing holiday season....if I can just get past the next two weeks of school.

Sunday, November 22, 2009

Christmas list - practical and then some

As I have been sitting here all day I keep thinking of things that would hit my Christmas list. Some of them are practical and things I will really ask for, some are things I can wish for, and others are things I will consider getting for myself at some point. Without further ado:

1. Kitchenaid food grinder attachment.


2. New phone (this is one I have to get...mine is about to crap).

3. New ring - I just need a new bauble.

4. New Necklace (and yes, money no object there are a few others that I am more partial to, but I won't even let myself go there.)

5. Purple purse


6. New bedroom linens - still looking
7. Ballet flats - leaning towards the Reva but it's still on a short list
8. Spa day! (come on boss, don't disappoint this year)
9. Money to create the bar in the house (or at least the offer of labor help)
10. New coat - this might be a purchase I make with my new found treats
11. clothes - I have my list of things I need and things I want. However, I am trying to hold off so I can lose a little more and get down a few more sizes.
12. Unmentionables.
13. Gym membership - another of those things I will end up with to help with #11.
14. New cutting boards
15. Cookbook holder
16. New pots and pans
17. Adult beverages - wine, items to stock said bar in #9.

There are a few other things but they aren't really Christmas items, more like things I have to get in the long term.

Sunday Afternoon Chili

Let me start with saying I did use a chili starter for this. It was just easier and saved me a little time. That said, I did modify so much that it was just one ingredient.

1 jar of Tabasco Original chili starter
9-8 slices of thick cut bacon, chopped
1 white onion
about 4 ounces of pork sausage (I added it because I had it on hand and didn't want to waste it)
2 tablespoons of minced garlic
2 pounds chili meat or any good red meat
1 bottle of Shiner Smokehaus beer. (the Smokehaus) was the key.
chili powder to taste
black pepper to taste
cumin to taste
hot paprika to taste
1 can Rotel (or any tomatoes with green chilis)
about 8 slices of jalapenos (I just used a few fork fulls of the nacho sliced ones)
1 or 2 cans of beans, drained, if desired (I like beans in it and all I had on hand was a 3 bean salad can with garbanzos, pintos, and navy but I used it anyway)

Yes it looks spicy. Yes, it has a little kick, but like all things, just taste till it hits your tastebuds and omit anything you think won't float your boat. I don't recommend taking out the Rotel though. It adds a little needed liquid.

1. In a dutch oven (I used my favorite blue cast iron enamel pot), add the bacon and cook at a medium low heat. The goal is to cook it while extracting enough fat to cook the onions in step 2.

2. After the bacon is cooked to your liking (I don't cook till crunchy, just browned) add in the onions and cook till translucent. Add in garlic and cook about 1-2 minutes

3. Add in chili meat and sausage. Brown.
4. Add chili starter. Take some of the beer and pour it into chili starter jar to get the remaining starter out. Pour into pot. Pour the rest of the beer into the pot.
5. Add in spices, Rotel, jalapenos, beans, and anything else that tickles your fancy.
6. Let it cook for a little or a lot. Eat when you are ready.

Pretty simple if I do say so added with some homemade skillet cornbread.. This pictures didn't come out too good but I promise the meal was perfect!!

Thursday, November 19, 2009

Welcome Back

Life has gotten in the way of writing. Right before I took a break, I had a bit of block and was just writing crap. Ok, so everything I write is crap, but it was even boring me.

Thankfully, work came to my rescue and gave me no time to even think about something to write. I have been working nonstop since I got back from my trip. The shit hit the fan at the office and then fell down on top of everyone. I REALLY wish I could write about it all right now but I can't. Let's just say my company is better than a best selling fiction book right about now. I couldn't make this shit up if I tried.

Personally, it has also been non-stop. Between nights out with friends, work trips that allow me to see other friends, school, and trying to get the house organized it is just one big schedule to keep up with. Organizing did bring about one bonus....I found a Nordstrom gift card and 2 Nordstrom notes! Needless to say, I am going to have a little bit of fun.

Right now I am taking a small break from the house to write this post. I have a pot of chili on the stove and I must say, my first shot at it and completely making up the recipe isn't half bad. I am going to make some cornbread later today and that is what I will be eating for the next few days until Thanksgiving.

My plan this week is study the rest of the day for my Tuesday test. Wash clothes while studying, and clean up the living room and kitchen for the start of the week. I should straighten up my bathroom and I think I will do that while I am getting ready for bed tonight.

Monday is work and then home to study. Nothing fun there. I owe a friend a visit but I can't come empty handed and I don't have time to bake (but I might just throw a pie in the oven today). I also need to make a few phone calls to arrange appointments.

Tuesday is work and then test time! I have no choice but to be completely ready for this one. I have no blow off grades left. I'm not too concerned with it, I am confident I can make the grade I need.

Wedensday, I will more than likely leave the office early. I always use the excuse that I have to get ready for Turkey day and since I am the only female in the office, no one is the wiser. I have a few pies to bake and a side dish to figure out. Something green and yummy that can be made ahead of time and brought with me to my grandmothers. Me the cheese freak, has to include cheese in it as well. I will find something I am sure. I only have about 3 shelves of cookbooks I can use for inspiration.

Off to empty the dishwasher and start my pies. I also am going to be measuring my closet shelves and trying to find some baskets to go in them so that I can put my unmentionables in my closet. I get tired of having things all over my bed in the morning because I keep changing my mind and having to go out of my closet to change support garments that don't work with my choices. The goal is to turn my closet into a mini dressing room so I can have everything at my finger tips and save a little time.

Thursday, November 5, 2009

Great start to a long weekend

I have been avoiding phone calls of certain neurotic boys tonight so my phone has not been answered. I got a strange number and thought it was NB trying to bypass the crazy stopping program. When the number called back a second time I just thought it was NB again. Turns out it was my advisor from school. First, the associate director calling me at 6:30 on a Thursday freaked me out. Then she said she had some options for me. Oh no, they figured out I shouldn't be in school and were kicking me out or giving me 2 year of remedial courses to make up.

Nope! I got told my old MPA classes could satisfy for 2 of my still needed classes. That gets me out a semester early!! Now, I still have a class on my course list I want to take but if it gets me out a semester early, then I am dropping it off the list and taking it again after graduation if I get the urge. Also, it isn't like I don't work somewhere I can get this training for free. And it isn't like I don't have some of the best financial minds around at my disposal. Come on, Head of Investments at a MAJOR bank, a Fed Chief Economist, and about 10 successful traders. I think I can learn what I need to from them. It also isn't like I can't go ahead and buy the books for the classes I am not taking and read them then go to my resources for help.

Wow, a way out of school!! Let the 4 day weekend begin!

Monday, November 2, 2009

Productive Weekend

This weekend was a very productive one and I wish I would have had two more days of it.

I got the house cleaned, went shopping with some friends, enjoyed some down time, did a lot of work, and got my back door frame ready to paint. By Sunday night I couldn't even stand up. I ended up hand scraping all of the paint off my back door frame, reicaulked it, and primed it. Now I am going to let it sit up while I and then repaint the door.

This weekend is my trip and I am really excited about going! It will be good to get away and NO I am not planning on seeing The Boy on this trip. Not that I would be adverse to it, I just don't think it will happen and I am not pushing for it. Nope, I just plan on enjoying my time and unwinding a little. As it always seems to be the case, I plan the trip and now I am having so much fun at home that I am fearful I am going to miss something by going out of town.

I know I need to get away for a while though so I am going to enjoy my time. The goal is to take 10 great pictures while I am gone. I am sure I will take a ton but 10 that are suitable for putting up in the house. I need art in this place!! I am just too cheap to buy it when I could easily make it.

I did realize though this morning, that when I go up there that it will have been almost a year to the day that he moved away. Who would have thought I would be where I am not when all of this started. So much has changed for me and so much has stayed the same and so much has happened that I never thought would have. Things I thought would never happen, have. It has been an interesting time and although there are parts I would love to take back, there are parts I wouldn't change for anything.

The time change finally helped me with my staying up late and over sleeping!! It only took a time change to cause it. Now time to get ready for bed and get some sleep.

Tuesday, October 27, 2009

I see the end

Wow, what a day. 9 hours of my finance project (almost done), then straight to a 2 hour Stat exam. If I look at another number I am going to lose it. I am two days behind on work email so after I finish the forecast tomorrow I get to work on email!


The test started bad but it all clicked and this will be one of those that I either rock or bomb. There will be in between.

Tomorrow night after work I MUST clean this house up. I have to bomb the house on Thursday for fleas yet again. This time, I think I tracked them in from outside. I live behind a big open field. I have found animal "things" in my back yard that are too big for a normal house pet and the cat doesn't go out there without me and never where I found said "things". So, having fleas in the backyard is not entirely unthinkable. Every year about this time, they seem to migrate into the house and I am tired of it! I haven't had my baby home in 2 weeks because of this issue and being out of town. I need her back.

This is turning into a long post,but I just had to say this. It is too early to tell, but I think my bad habit medicine is having a welcome side effect. I seem to not be indulging in junk food and I haven't been getting cravings for it. I am staying away from junk food and being good I am headed back to the Dr. next week for a follow up for something else (I don't talk about it till I know it isn't.) and I have decided to wear the same thing and what the weight is then. I am hoping to lose about 3 this week.

Monday, October 26, 2009

A ittle breakdown, a little break through

I slept like crap last night. The power went out at the house an I had to go around in the dark trying to remember what lights were on so I could turn them off. I was worried they would wake me up...well that was a big fail. I was almost asleep and my phone rang. Thank you ex-husband for needing advice late at night. I will pay you back. We got off the phone and no sooner had I snuggled back in, then the power came back on. I had no clue the TV would pop back on. The alarm went off way too early this morning and I made it to my Monday morning staff meeting at exactly 8am.

I have a month's worth of work to do in 2 days and I don't have time to deal with stupidity. I also have a Stat test tomorrow and I am just tired of studying. I think I will stop for the night, get a good nights sleep and then try and do the last little bit tomorrow afternoon after my first deadline and before class.

Tonight, I made a quick cauliflower soup. It was pretty good. Now that I have a base, I can start working on making it better. Very easy. I melted butter, sweated some onions and garlic in the butter, added a little flour, browned it up, threw in a head of cauliflower, a carton of unsalted chicken stock, and then simmered until the cauliflower was tender. Added a little bit of milk, got the immersion blender out and pureed it. Added a little more butter, salt and pepper and I was good to go.

Sunday, October 25, 2009

Weekend Recap

It was a busy yet lazy weekend around the homestead.

Saturday I ended up at the office most of the day. I only got done a portion of the many things I have on my plate in the office. I am really trying not to get overwhelmed but I am failing miserably. I feel like I am the only one with a ton of work on my plate. Everyone is asking me to do stuff and I just can't keep up with everyone's demands of my time on petty things. I have a ton of MAJOR projects to get done and no one seems to care even when they have nothing they are doing. Sales are down and everyone has time to point fingers at me instead of trying to do their own jobs and increase sales. But luckily my boss knows all that is on my plate. I even told him I am about to pay out of my own pocket for a part time assistant. Which if I could afford it, I would but right now, I can't. I do what I do and I can't do anymore than that.

Saturday night, was girls night and I went out with my oldest friend to get her away from her family for a while. We usually go out to dinner and I was craving one of my favorite places, a little pricey but I can afford to treat my friend so I said what the hell. We got all dressed up and headed to Trulucks. YUMMY. A big thank you to the guy who bought us drinks. :) It was a good meal and we got home about 12. I think I fell asleep on my friend and finally kicked her out and headed to bed.

Today I was going to go pick up the cat, but I happened to find more fleas in the house. I hate having them and something is bringing them in. I am going to kill every living thing in this house this week because I want my baby back home!! I woke up with my allergies in full attack so I did a little around the house and passed back out on the couch. I woke up around 3 and got moving for the day. Headed down to the parent units and enjoyed seeing the zoo and dinner. Now I am back home and about to go get ready for the week.

This week is a ton of work, Monday night study for my Tuesday test at school. The rest of the week is work, work, and more work. I need to get at least one project done.

Next weekend is a rare 2 day weekend for me so I have a home improvement project I get to do....repaint the back door. Builder grade paint job just isn't holding up so I need to take matters into my own hands to stop a mold invasion.

Off to get my clothes laid out for tomorrow and try and enjoy my last hours of free time.

Friday, October 23, 2009

Cry uncle and get the world

The way to get what you need at work I have cry uncle. Just say I am overwhelmed and get one of the tools I need to do my job. I am still overwhelmed but at least soon I will be able to do my work a little faster. Also having a great new employee to take some of the load off is nice.

I am feeling a little under the weather because of all of the stress I have been dealing with but I can feel the Theraflu kicking in and I know I shall be in dreamland sooner rather than later.

My Friday night consisted of going to the grocery store. I stocked up on meat and now I have chicken and pork chops to go to when I need food. I got tired of not having any protein in the house. And should I be scared of organic milk that lasts up to December 1? Horizon milk is all I ever get, not because of the organic factor (OK, not totally), but because it lasts so darn long! I will gladly pay 1 dollar or so more for milk that lasts. I hate throwing it out but I don't drink much so I end up throwing out a lot of milk. Or I did before I discovered the true cost about 4 years ago.

I have enough stuss to make potato leek soup, cauliflower soup, and tuna salad sandwiches!

This weekend will be full of fall cleaning, a night out with on eof my friends, studying, and sleeping in a little on Sunday.

Monday, October 19, 2009

Strange Days

Well, I'm back. I missed me. Not sure I can keep up this pace all the time but this time I am going to try to learn to control it. Spent all day dual flirting which was interesting to say the least. :) S definitely got her groove back. And let me just say I am NOT looking for a relationship, I am just having a ton of fun.

It's good to smile again. Tomorrow is work, girl doc, and school. It will be a LONG day I can already see it, but hopefully the fun will continue and I will have a smile on my face all day.

Sweet dreams to me.

Saturday, October 17, 2009

Afternoon nap - not a good idea

I knew I was way too hyper earlier today. I started at 8 being the hostess with the mostest at work today and it drained me. I got home about 1 and had great plans of cleaning up the pig sty. I fell asleep. Now am I awake but still tired. Once I get energy I will be able to get moving but energy is hard to come by in this house it seems. I have to get moving and get ready to go over to C's for a get together. Oh, caffeine please help me!

In other news, I am so torn on the whole school thing. I HATE my group. They seem to be a collection of know-it-all's who don't know shit. I see my group project going down in flames and no one seems to listen to me till I raise my voice. I compiled our paper in a logical manner that flowed all in. Come on people, it's a book critique...it isn't hard. And they decided that choppy was the way to go. Now, I would really try on this class but I think it isn't going to go with the class plan. I worked a deal that if I take the finance track at school then my school is paid for. If I do that then this class is not needed. I hate dropping classes but I think this is one I am going to be dropping on Monday. I have never screwed over a group but let the screwing begin.

I am also rethinking the 2nd Masters plan, or at least putting it on hold until I get this one done. I got the proposal Friday of what my role will morph into in the new company. It allows me to tell people what to do (by law), make sure things are getting done right, make sure clients are being treated fairly, and run the business. I see a C title that I have always worked toward with a stop as the Compliance Officer. I have to learn the in's and out's of the laws on investing and finance so that is something I enjoy.

However, right now I am just going to survive and not get wrapped around what is going on in all aspects of my life and spend more time living it.

OH!!!!! I'm working to get back into dating. Scary but looking forward to it. Now, I am not going to look for a serious dating relationship. I'm setting my sites on something pretty damn good, but until I find it, I am going to enjoy getting to know people.

Wednesday, October 14, 2009

Crazy week

What a crazy CRAZY week I have had.

I am heading back home tomorrow and not a moment too soon. Let me just say that this week has had amazing highs and really low lows. High point, reuniting with an old friend and being able to take my mind off of things for a little while. Low point, again feeling like I don't fit in here and that I don't belong and I am not appreciated for all that I do. High point, making a good impression on the new owners of our company. Low point, watching people put too much stock in awards and being sore losers AND winners of them. High point, RELAXING and somehow NOT getting a hang over for 3 nights of way too much drinking. Low point, watching one of our staff become a complete ass and party his way through a conference.

Tomorrow I catch an early flight back home and then go to the dentist to be put in pain. I also have a school paper to put together on a book that I have not read. I feel like my school has just gotten lost this semester and I really could care less. I think I just need to find my mojo again and push through. Next week I am heading to the doctor to get assistance with a bad habit that has crept it's way back into my routine.

Part of wanting to stop that habit is that I am thinking about dating again! I got a little motivation this week and now I want to get back into shape and work on getting comfortable in my own skin again. I have a chance to change my behavior from a past episode and I am going to make sure that I do just that. I have the words of one of my friends in my head to help and I need to make sure that I keep on the right track and in the right frame of mind.

Now, where does a person go to date when they are not looking for anything serious and just trying to get back into things? I have no desire to have a relationship. I really just want to go have fun for a while. Back in the day, I knew but now I really am clueless.

Friday, October 9, 2009

Giggles

I have the giggles and can't stop.

Me having the giggles means different things to different people. If you have experienced my giggles then you know what mood I am in around you that started them. Each person gets giggles from me for a very different reason. Some like it and it annoys the crap out of others.

Oh well, my life, my rules right!

Progress update: Half way done. But the stack on invoices doesn't appeal to me at the moment. However, I got an email from my favorite vendor that an order I placed is ready but they can't get it out to me today. I need it in CA so I guess I just have to leave the office early to go get it. Darn the luck. ;)

The last day

I am trying to get moving for my last day in the office for 4 days. I am scared of how far behind I am going to get, especially since I have no desire to actually do anything today.

I feel like I am walking in a head cloud right about now. I told the lady at Starbucks to drive safe. I also might have told a pesky salesperson who stopped by that my name was Jennifer. (everyone calls me that anyway). Of course that was the one time I was thinking since I know I have talked to this guy on the phone before and I didn't want to be bothered. Sales people, please don't come into my office on a day when I am the only one here and it is nasty outside. I am rocking a long sleeve t-shirt, my mom sweater, my favorite pair of around the house sweats and tennis shoes. Hair in a bun, glasses, and no makeup. I'm not int the mood to be nice to anyone who walks in. I forgot a bulb for my desk lamp or else I would turn the office lights out and lock the doors.

Tonight is about packing, cleaning the house, and getting it ready to bomb. Yep,bug bomb time. Not the most pleasant of things to talk about but the bugs are making their way into the house and driving the cat crazy. While I am in SoCal and the cat is at the parental units, I figure it is the best time.

I still have to pack tonight as well and my great debate is whether to try and fit everything in a carry on or spread out and just check a bag. I am taking the camera so I think I am going to bite the bullet and check a bag. I dread that choice though, but my camera and equipment could take up half my usual carry on bag and then I still have to fit 4 days worth of clothes and school books. Last time I checked I ended up spending a Friday night in the San Diego airport waiting for them to arrive on the next flight.


Ok, I am going to sign off. If I get done everything on the list, I am going to just leave. I have a ton to do before I head out tomorrow and I think I need to spend time on that at the house. :) So, leave at 3 or whenever I get my stuff done. Whichever is later.

Wednesday, October 7, 2009

Just getting by

I really feel like that is how I am living right now. I get ahead, just to get behind again. I have to have some of my fillings redone and it is going to cost me $500 AFTER my insurance pays.

I know my mood is just crap after another fun group collaboration session, crappy weather, and a cat I love but is driving me up the freaking wall!!! She has gotten in the habit of wanting to lay as close to my face as she can. Last night, I was trying to read a book for school and she crawled into my arms. I ended up holding my 14 year old cat who hates people like a little baby for 30 minutes. I was cute but I couldn't finish my reading.

That brings me to another thought. Most of us are raised with the idea that we are supposed to get married and be moms. We play house, have our baby dolls, and tea party sets. I did those things, but I also have GI Joes, a race track set, and Hot Wheels. I am sure a lot of girls did. But what thoughts go through our head when we decide not to follow the path we were raised to take? More times that not lately, I have found myself deciding I don't want kids. I know at this moment my brain is not in a place to say definitively that this is what I decide, but it keeps looking more and more like it.

Tuesday, October 6, 2009

Testing my brain

If 1 out of 4 cars need an oil change. Was is the probability that exactly 2 cars out of the next 8 need an oil change....um, ok then. I am sure the answer will pop into my head in my sleep but really all I could think about is that my car would never be one of the two. I am particular about that.

Taking a short brain break before I dig into my book I have to start and finish tonight. Yea, the diet coke is on hand and if it doesn't do the trick, I have coffee to back it up. It's really hard when the rain and thunder makes me want to curl up in bed and relax.

I feel really bad. I went all PMS on a close friend who was already on delicate terms with me. I just hope I am forgiven. I honestly think is is going to take awhile.

Driving home tonight from school, I started listening to Nine Inch Nails and Pink Floyd while driving on a deserted highway with lightening going off all around me. It was very freaky and really neat...very surreal.

I started thinking about how I got through the last heartbreak and what made me start feeling good about myself which led to me getting back out in the world. When I ran got mad, sad, lonely,down, or couldn't get my mind off of the events that happened, I put on my running shoes and ran. It made me feel good about myself and that I could do something I never thought I could. Well, guess what I am going to be doing starting TOMORROW. Yep, time to get the shoes out and start running again. I had a nasty bruise on the bottom of my foot that is almost gone so no more excuses. If I can stay consistent for a month, the reward is new running shoes!! I know I should go longer but really, I think that after a month, my shoes are going to need to be replaced anyway.

No more procrastination....time to read.

Tuesday splurges

Well, I got a few things today in my morning round of websites. I was planning on doing my one purchase this month on a reading light for the bedroom. I am not going to lie to myself and say I am not going to get it. I am just going to call a reading light an educational expense. :)

Without further hesitation, today's purchases consisted of....


A new pair of shoes!! Imagine that. If you have seen my closet, that wouldn't be a surprise. I was in need of a new pair of good winter shoes and since I always wear black I thought this pair would fit the bill quit nicely.

I was also in need of a good work bag. I am all about the simple bag and usually stick with the same boring and this was no different. Since my work computer is my Mac Air,I am hoping it will fit. My current bag is on it's last life and I have been searching for a basic bag anyway so I figured why not. Hmm, since I do carry my Air to school, maybe this could be a school expense as well?

I was planning on adding to the Chuck collection this month, but I guess that will wait till next month. I have my heart set on a Navy pair and a pair to replace my black ones.

Back to the fun times of corporate finance!

Monday, October 5, 2009

Good Monday

Wow, today passed FAST!

I completely just blew past work today. I am not sure if I was productive or if I was just there. I guess I will find out tomorrow. In my personal endeavors I was very productive. I finished my email to the Department chair and got a very fast response. It was all positive. I will be applying in the next week or so and should start my first class in the Spring. That will bring me to taking 9 hours starting in the Spring. I have been living the easy life with 6 hours for too long. I mean, when I sit back and evaluate what I do, I goof off A LOT. I know I can do it, it will just be a matter of getting my life organized and on track. This is a must not a would like to.

Ok, off to cook dinner and study for my really fun Probability test tomorrow night. Oh, and for the geek/dork in my, C-Span Supreme Court week at 8!!! Oh man, did I really just admit that?

Kick in the pants

Well, I got the kick I needed. I submitted my letter of interest to the department chair at University A today. The goal is to see how I can start taking at least one class towards my M.A. No more being scared of failure or of what someone thinks of me. I am so excited!!!! Yes, I am sick when I get excited about 5+ more years at school. I guess when I think about it, I am trying to sign up for a lifetime of school and learning so what is 5 years.

Sunday, October 4, 2009

Menu fail

Ok, I'm not hungry. I went ahead and cooked but now I have a whole dish full of rolls I am not going to eat. I am trying to get it to cool off a little and I guess I will throw it in the fridge and see if I am hungry tomorrow. I have a feeling I won't be.

Having a major setback here. I should be reading a book for class that I should have had done 2 weeks ago. I just can't get into it. I have other things on my mind. I try to read and my mind wanders. I have to shake something I had buried a while ago. Sure, burying something will not make it go away but at least you don't have to deal with it. I think that is what I am doing with dating. I don't want to date. I have no desire to date. My heart was broken harder than it ever has been. For the first time, I was with someone I pictured a life with. Someone who treated me better than I deserved and someone who I saw a future with. Circumstance took that away. Now I don't want to have that happen again. Also, before I met him, I faced rejection after rejection after rejection. A year's worth to be precise. Hell, the guy I was with before him, was dating someone probably a good 2 months before we split and even before that, I faced every day knowing I wasn't want he wanted...I was the get by girl.

Now I am still dealing with the after effects of the relationship and life that has been going on. I have the happy weight on, my face is a wreck from stress and hormones. Add on to that, I am so scared of getting hurt that I take no pride in how I look. It is easier to be the girl who fades into the background, who doesn't put herself out there. This is how I deal with not getting hurt.

Now after two months, he is dating again. And I am here alone. Sure, I know what every self help book and every friend would say..buck up and just get out there. Nope, easier for me to just build the wall back up, bury the shit, be tough, and blend in.

Yes folks, this is the mother of all pity parties. This is how I put on the face day after day. All I can say is thank goodness I have my SoCal trip coming up. Seems to be the trip I am always on when getting over someone. I get to deal with my emotions for a few days,then get thrown into a work conference with 100 people I can't stand. Yea me!!!

I'm OK

Keep saying it and maybe it will be true right? Keep smiling and maybe one day it will be genuine. If you're smiling you can't cry. Be happy for all the good things in life. It could always be worse. If those in your life are happy you are happy. Be happy for the small things. Think about the big picture. The past is the past and should stay there. Things can't be undone. Live your life for what is, not for what was or what could be. If you aren't happy, you can change it. Be happy for what you have, not sad for what you don't have. Don't think about things you can't change. Focus on yourself and not others. Screw them, their loss. Do one thing to make yourself happy each day. Don't wait for someone to treat you special, treat yourself special. Live each day like your last. Tomorrow is another day. Don't worry, be happy. Life is good. Make the most of the cards you have been dealt. Don't think about what other people are doing in their lives, you only know half of the story in everyone's life but yours. Focus on yourself. Look forward to the adventure. Be true to yourself and your dreams. Don't be scared to live your dreams. Be prepared for greatness when you dream big. Execute.

Strange post I know, but more a train of thought of what I am thinking. Something to come back to when I need a lift. A little shook up at the moment, but this too shall pass.

What if the great love of my life is me? What if that is who I was destined to be with? What if the things I thought I wanted were only wants because society told me they were? What if I am living the life I was meant to live? The goals I have for myself were those that I was meant to have.

I know I have gotten my goals out in this venue before but I feel it is time to reaffirm them. I will complete my MBA in December of 2010. I will start next semester and concurrently enroll at TWU to get my MA in Government. I will also have to concurrently enroll at DCCCD or CCCCD to take 2 years of French. After I get my MBA in Political Science, I will enroll at UV to get a PhD in Legal History. I will sell the house and anything I have to do to do that. I will be ready for a lifestyle change. I will prepare for it and not live the life I could now, but instead I will save and live on less and stash money in the bank. I will forgo traveling to dream places, minus a trip to celebrate graduating from each of my schools. I will do this for me and not for anyone else. I will live my life for me. I will love me.

Sausage Rolls


Well, the sausage rolls were a great success. They were made for this week, but I of course had to try them. What if they were awful and I took them to work for breakfast? Then I would be without! ;)

My usual breakfast in the morning is a banana and a bagel sandwich made with a whole wheat mini bagel, a piece of non-fat cheese, and a Morningstar "sausage" patty. I decided to change it up a little and try something new. For the first time, I actually measured and followed a recipe, almost. I did use a mix of fresh sage and dried sage. I love sage so I wanted to make sure it had enough for my liking. So without further ado...

Savory Sausage Rolls
From Cooking Light....October 2009


Yield

6 servings (serving size: 2 rolls)
Ingredients

* 1 (11-ounce) can refrigerated French bread dough
* 2 tablespoons butter, melted
* 2 teaspoons chopped fresh sage
* 1/4 teaspoon salt
* 8 ounces reduced-fat pork sausage, cooked and crumbled (such as Jimmy Dean)
* 3/4 cup (3 ounces) shredded Gruyère cheese
* Cooking spray

Preparation

1. Preheat oven to 350°.

2. Find lengthwise seam in dough. Beginning at seam, gently unroll dough into a rectangle on a lightly floured surface. Roll dough into a 13 x 8-inch rectangle; brush with butter, leaving a 1/2-inch border. Combine sage, salt, and sausage. Sprinkle sausage mixture evenly over dough, leaving a 1/2-inch border; top with cheese. Starting with a long side, roll dough up, jelly-roll fashion; press seam to seal (do not seal ends of roll). Cut 1 (1/2-inch-thick) crosswise slice from each end; discard. Slice roll crosswise into 12 (1/2-inch-thick) pieces; arrange in a 13 x 9-inch baking dish coated with cooking spray. Bake at 350° for 28 minutes or until golden.

Nutritional Information

Calories:
312
Fat:
16.8g (sat 7.9g,mono 6.4g,poly 1.2g)
Protein:
15.5g
Carbohydrate:
24.8g
Fiber:
0.0g
Cholesterol:
52mg
Iron:
1.8mg
Sodium:
738mg
Calcium:
146mg

Lazy Sunday...not so much

I was up at 7, which for me is a rare thing on a Sunday. Of course, I did lay in bed relax for a bit but I was up pretty early for me.

I got my menu planned for the week since this is a rare week of being in town for the whole week. Grocery store and back by noon. Now I have breakfast for the week cooking...sausage rolls!

Weekly menu is:

Sunday: Cabbage rolls, salad.
Monday: Mahi and white beans, spinach (maybe with goat cheese if I am needing a cheese fix).
Tuesday: Cabbage rolls (school night leftovers)
Wednesday: Dinner at C&C's.
Thursday: Cod Casserole
Friday: Turkey stuffed portobellos.
Saturday: On the road!

Now I get to wash clothes, clean up the house, and study a little...ok, a LOT.

I do have a few movies to watch that are due back tonight. Last night, I had grand plans of just vegging and watching movies. Change of plans when the DVD player finally died. I ended up plugging the Mac into the TV and watching it that way. All was good but the audio cable I have doesn't work with the Air so I ended up using the laptop for sound. Oh well, it all worked and I enjoyed a movie so it ended good!

Time to do another load of laundry.

Friday, October 2, 2009

Lost: Reward if found: My tolerance

Why oh why do I have to get old? I am entering my final day in the armpit of Texas and looking forward to the long drive back home this afternoon. It would be better if I didn't have an annoying headache.

Headache gotten from 2 rather large margaritas at dinner with a friend last night. My only question, is if I wake up feeling like poo and with a headache, why couldn't I at least gotten a little tipsier last night? I mean, how fun is it to just have a few drinks with dinner but have to pay for it the next day.

My first thought was, I just need to build that tolerance back up again. Umm no. I don't have the time for that and I think it would just hurt too bad. Second thought, just stop drinking. Umm no. I enjoy my wine, my mixed drinks, and my Shiner. I think I will just have to start following the college rule...one drink, one water. Get home, more water and a handful of Tylenol.

Wednesday, September 30, 2009

Pissed off rant

Ok, I am going to start this with saying I am EXTREMELY PISSED at the moment. I am so pissed I am typing this through tears. I am also going to say this is direct at a very few people who I have come in contact with and not a general population.

I hate people that use their religion as something to hide behind. Maybe that is the wrong word but it suits right now.

I have been up since 4am. I am sitting outside of the office hoping maintenance shows up or the cleaning crew doesn't clean at midnight all because some rude guy can't be kind and come back to the office and lock up after he left for the day without me having a key and wouldn't wait 3 minutes for me to finish. I thought I had a key but wanted to check it first but he rushed out before I could. I called him to ask him if he could come back and lock up and "sorry, I am too far out". He says he is a Christian man who helps other people and spending time with the church. However, today he was nothing but rude to me, talked down to me, treated me like I was less than a co-worker.

Let's see, on top of that 2 other people I knew always preached the good word while talking trash about everyone and anyone. They gossiped, called people names, spread lies about people.

People like that just upset me. Now, I never claim to be a perfect person, no one is. However, I try to always live by the golden rule. I am always supportive of people, I don't spread lies about people, I always hope for the best out of people. I think it is because I personally know how it feels to be the person that people are making fun of, calling names, treating like crap.

There was a time I put up a wall to protect me from that. I won't deny that sometimes (like today) it comes back up and I don't want to let anyone in. But, I know now to not let people like that ruin me. I don't let them get to me or ruin my day. I feel for them that they think they have to do that to fit in. Tomorrow, I will walk in the office and be just as nice to people as I always am and then when it comes time to leave, I will detach and live my life.

Tuesday, September 29, 2009

Just got home and I gotta do what!!

Of all nights to have a full 3 hour stats class, it had to be tonight. 3 hours of wonderful stats, 1 hour drive home and now I have to pack and pass out? Give me a break! I have to be out of the house by 5:30 in the morning. I am driving to the armpit of Texas tomorrow (I say that in the nicest of ways). My goal is to get out of town before traffic hits.

Get to go to the office down there and clean up after an employment disaster. The on Thursday I have 9 interviews scheduled to again, clean up employment disaster. Friday I get to finish cleaning up said disaster and then drive home. I do this why again? Oh yea, because I like being able to throw a few 4 letter words to my boss and no other place will allow me that freedom. :)

In all honestly, sometimes I wonder why I do what I do for work. Then I remember that my goal is only to be there another 2-3 years before I can do school full time. I have an amazing degree of freedom (left at 4 today to go raid my mom's store), I know the job, I have seniority to not be low on the totem pole, and I hate interviewing and looking for job.

I am looking forward to the hotel and being able to crash and watch the big TV at night. Also, being able to study without having the distractions of the house here.

Time to start writing and get to work. Thank goodness I am driving and not flying. I still have my suitcase out from my vacation (don't judge!!! It's empty at least) so I think I will be throwing everything in there, grab a dress for Thursday and throw it in the car and be done with it. Tomorrow and Friday will be cleaning and moving crap so it will be jeans and a t-shirt so packing should be easy and minimal wrinkles from throwing crap in the suitcase.

Sunday, September 27, 2009

Productive and sleepy Sunday

Today was a busy day.

I was up bright and early at 8am. I was outside washing the car by 8:45. I washed it and then waxed out the places where people have been nice enough to leave their paint in the parking lot.

I was out of the house at 11 to go meet my parents at the Greek Food Festival. It was good and of course I over ate but I figure it was a once in a year treat so I could indulge.

When I came home, I was really tired so I ended up taking a little nap that turned into sleeping the afternoon away. Now I am just tired and icky feeling.

I would plan my menu for this week, but I honestly have no idea what my week is going to hold. The only thing that is certain in class on Tuesday night. There is a real possibility that I will end up in Houston this week. I think this week it will just be eating what I can think of out of the house.

Now time to watch Sunday shows and wash a few loads of clothes to get ready for whatever my week brings to me.

PS...I just found the first team on Amazing Race I hope get eliminated before it starts.

Thursday, September 24, 2009

On a money high

Accounting rocks!!! No, I have not just smoked something. For the most part, I am not a fan of what I have to do, but the puzzle I just solved makes me actually like it. I have been working on this for 2 weeks and it all finally clicked. Now watch the CPA come back and say nope. I say poo to you then and I still think I rocked it!!!

Tuesday, September 22, 2009

Much better night

I got an A on my test!! I knew I either did really good or really bad; there was going to be no in between.

It was so nice walking back to my car parked in BFE tonight. The weather is getting so nice and fall feeling. But as I am typing this I am realizing I need to break out the lotion or else my hands are going to look awful. Getting old really bites!!

So I am having delayed stages of grief it seems. Right now, I am just pissed at The Boy (ex edition). I'm not going into it but it feels good to be mad for a chance.

After my pity party post this morning, I went ahead and locked myself in my office and started working on crunching numbers and getting the books back into acceptable standards. No, I did not get them unacceptable. I am taking them back over and have about a week's worth of work to undo 2 months worth of damage. I am finding it oddly calming to just deal with things that are not people. I guess I have just hit my limit on people for the last few days.

Oh well, of to bed. Gotta get up EARLY in the morning and get to the airport to catch my flight. I am scared I am not going to wake up on time. I have been oversleeping the last few weeks due to my allergies. I guess the fear will be my motivator.

Kil me

I just want to cry right now. I am really tired of my current situation all around. Is it wrong to be sitting in a staff meeting and looking at new jobs trying to hold back tears?

Sunday, September 20, 2009

Left out

Most of the time I am OK with my current state. Some days it does get to me. I love my friends, but I feel like I don't fit in with them some times. I also rarely get sad about being alone. I rarely miss having someone around to have company and to curl on the couch, to talk to, to love. But tonight I did. I know, this too shall pass. I get over it. I move on and I keep doing what I am doing. I know I chose the path I am on. I chose to be single. I chose to not date. I chose this life. I know it gets easier and these days come fewer and fewer.

I am not throwing myself a pity party here. I just needed to get it off of my chest. If I didn't, it would eat me up.

Friday, September 18, 2009

Back on track

Trying to get back on track around here. This past week while I was sick I lost all motivation to do anything. I literally, lived in the moment. I didn't care about anything but getting well. I think I am about 90% better and it is time to start getting back on track.

I am working tomorrow until 1 and then I have schoolwork to do and an email to write to the head of the government department at hopeful school A. Time is wasting and I need to get moving and get prepped to enroll in the Spring.

I need to clean house...BADLY!!!! That is all I am going to say about that. I think I am going to lightly do some school work tonight and watch a few episodes of The West Wing (yep, I'm a dork) and then head to bed and get a fresh start on my back on track life tomorrow. :) Yes, I am very Scarlett O'Hara in my procrastination.

Thursday, September 17, 2009

This isn't right


This is just wrong on so many levels.

1. See that backhoe? See that fence? That fence is supported by a 2x4. The bucket on that backhoe is about 10 feet from my fence. Come on baby, mama needs a new fence.

2. See that backhoe? See that house? The wall right next to that little section of fence is my bedroom. If that thing starts up in the morning like I heard it this morning (it was on the other side of the field) at 6:30 then some backhoe operator is going to get an earful. The city will be called and I will be the builder's WORST nightmare. I know, I am a grouchy person, but mornings are not my thing.

3. This means I am getting a new house next to me in the coming months. After 2 years of no neighbors, I am not sure I am ready for this.

Wednesday, September 16, 2009

Just a random comment

Think about a food any food. When is the last time you ate it? I just saw a Dunkin Donuts commercial and it made me think about how long it has been since I have had a donut. I can't remember the last time I ate one!! Not that I want to eat one, but it is good to think about something as sinful (to me at least) as a donut and not want one or even miss it.

Time out

I still felt icky today when I woke up. I got myself out of bed and to work only to leave early. I realized I shouldn't come in when I started bawling my eyes out because of my major accounting project and not being able to do simple logical math.

It only got worse when I gave FedEx a piece of my mind about a package I called to have picked up. Now, mind you, said package is in France. My amazing boss left it there to be shipped back and asked me to take care of it I called last week for a pick up and never got the package. I then had to call FedEx only to find out that my package is still in France because the place it is at won't return the FedEx phone call to schedule the pickup on their end and FedEx policy is to not give the package owner notification. I started crying AGAIN and caved and called The Boy and left a message begging for help. If I remember, the jest of my message was that I need help because France was holding my package and wouldn't return it and I need translation assistance. Yea, he won't call me on that one. He will probably think I have lost my mind finally. Of course, I am sick and I did preface the call by saying I was sick and headed home after France gave me back my package.

SO anywhoo.... I can home, passed out on the couch after working a little longer, woke up with a headache and starving. Luckily, I told myself that I need to cook today even if I was sick. Best freaking idea I ever had!! Before I passed out, I pulled out some stew meat from the freezer. Stew is now cooking on the stove and it is rainy outside so I am feeling very cozy and fall like. Yea!!!

Tuesday, September 15, 2009

I got the bug

CRAP!!!!!!!!

That is what I am feeling like. I can.not.believe I got sick. I rarely get sick. I have a ton to do for school and even more to do for work and I can't afford to be down a day. I have to get to work tomorrow. Now, that doesn't mean I am going to go in looking amazing. It means, if I am feeling like I do right now, I will be sporting the sick look.

Let's see....talked to an old friend yesterday that I hadn't heard from in a while. It was good to catch up and it was a bit of an ego boost as well. :)

Work blows. Let me just say I am not an auditor or an accountant and what I am doing right now, those types of people get paid BIG bucks to do. Me, just another day on my job learning as I go and putting that MBA knowledge my company DIDN'T and DOESN'T pay for to work.

Ok, must drag my butt to bed.

Sunday, September 13, 2009

All out of juice

3 hours of reading boring stuff and I am all out of juice. The couch is calling my name and I think I am going to listen to it for a while. Tonight's plan is to cook dinner, enjoy a little TV and then go to bed early. I have to be in at 7 or so in the morning and if I don't hit the hay early, I am never going to do that.

So the menu for the week!!

Sunday - Chicken Ravioli with homemade tomato sauce
Monday - Greek salad
Tuesday - Tomato soup and a sandwich (provided I get out of school early enough)
Wednesday - herb chicken with veggies
Thursday - Brisket and roasted potatoes
Friday - spaghetti and Italian Sausage
Saturday - new recipe day!!

Work in prgress

Well I think I am going to leave it like it is and then add as I see fit. I have an idea of how I want to do my links but I am not quite committed to it yet. I will keep working on it offline and when it is all set like I like, then I will go ahead and upload it.

It has been a rainy weekend and I couldn't ask for anything better. Right now I am a little restless. I need to be studying but I can't settle down and sit still to be able to do that. I am hoping a shower after this post settles me down.

I am dreading Monday and really am not looking forward to being back at work. I must find a way to stop dreading it so much. The line, "It's a paycheck" isn't working anymore. I really just need to pull on the big girl panties and start looking at work as a means to an end I guess. I need to start saving like there is not tomorrow and trying to figure out how to live on less (which shouldn't be that hard).

This week, I have my first stats class test and I plan on studying for that later tonight and tomorrow.

I need to plan my weekly menu and I think this time it is going to have to be using what is already in the house. No more expensive trips to the grocery store each week. I am going to have to learn to use what is on hand, searching out the sales and then treating myself to one meal a week that I splurge on cooking.

Off to clean up, sit and figure out the menu this week (which I will post for the heck of it) and then study. What a life I lead!!

Please Pardon the Mess

I am in the middle of a resdesign and will be messing with it for the next few days or so.

Friday, September 11, 2009

The weekend!!

Thank goodness this week is over!!

Tonight has been relaxing and I got good news!! I got my room confirmation for my November trip.....

Counting to 10 is for the birds

I have counted to 10 more this week than usual. See, I am trying to just let work go. Not let it get to me. Not care anymore. My vested interest in this organization is done. For the most part I am doing good. However, the one thing I have a problem with is common stupidity. I also have a problem when this character trait shows itself in the person who is getting the job that. for a long time. I thought I wanted.

There is a whole back story on this person, but let's just say that I have serious reason to question their reasoning and critical thinking skills and their ability to read people. Made more clear yesterday when the person had no clue how to even begin to read a P&L. Made even more clear today when the person had no clue that to bring on a contractor, there has to be a contractor agreement stating what this person would be doing and what they would be paid. Add to that a hint of this person thinks they are good at strategic planning but more than once I have had to slap this person in the face figuratively to get them to stop arranging chairs on the deck of the Titanic and start trying to fix the hole.

Oh and it just got better!!! Another one of the morons I have been covering for just asked for a MAJOR increase in pay after I fixed yet another mess up.

I am so over this place and worrying about these people!! I just tell myself 1 more year till I get my MBA. Hopefully, 2 and a half years till I get my MA and then I can go into my PhD program. Please oh please let time fly!!!!

Thursday, September 10, 2009

Make it stop!

Oh my, this is the longest short week ever!! I really don't remember the start of the week. I know it existed but I am not sure I can recall anything that happened.

I am sure I have a lot to say but the tired is making it hard to think about anything to be honest. The rain coming down is making it hard to stay awake as well. Maybe I should go to bed early. I have been oversleeping all week.

I ended up working late tonight and missed going to kickboxing class. Of course from what I heard about it, I am sure I probably would have puked. Not sure I am up for that hard of a class just yet. Also, as my back was killing me and I caught myself slouching in my chair at the office remembering how good my posture once was, I thought maybe I should check out a pilates class in the area. I found a place and think I am going to go ahead and schedule a couple of individual sessions and get used to it and start group classes. I am not one for group classes and luckily these classes are capped at about 6 people.

I guess we will see, everything looks better after sleep. It is supposed to rain for a few days so I really need to try to keep positive and not let the weather start effecting my mood.

Wednesday, September 9, 2009

TMI on Facebook

I have been reading a lot of articles about the apparent lack of self restraint on Facebook. I though my friends were doing OK till I got the "I'm hot and sweaty" post. Oh or what about the one where the friend uses Facebook as a platform to sell their pyramid marketing products?

Seriously people, STOP IT!!!! And stop playing Mafia Wars too or at least posting every notifcation you can to it. I finally had to hide that dumb game. Next up is Farmville is people don't stop. Sad when my favorite postings on Facebook are NPR.

Now to shut up the hour long text therapy session with the ex-hubs about current marriage and get back to studying. Why people come to the single chick for relationship advice is beyond me. Folks, I am single!! I am content to live my days single and I definitely am not into dating so I am not sure why I am the one who gives sound advice about something I clearly can't and don't want to be in.

Funky Time

And not in a good way either. It's getting better but I was in a funk on the way home. I finally got around to mailing off The Boy's stuff. Blah on that.

I think I just forgot what all I did today that should have made me happy. I booked my October trip to CA and figured out what the crap I am going to do there that weekend.

I booked my November VA trip and kind of figured out the game plan for that.

Most importantly, I paid of my shiny Nordstrom card. I paid it off the same day I got the mail about the triple rewards points and the pretty September mini catalog.....great. Must.resist.temptation!!

Of course, this purse is calling to me.

Monday, September 7, 2009

Ephiphany!!

I had an epiphany while doing some housework! I ultimately would like to be able to do research on political origins in US History so I would need some political science knowledge. Why not work on a MS in Political Science and take some upper level history classes as electives and then work from there to get into the PhD program of #1 school. I really need to talk to an adviser and get this figured out.

How bad do you want something?

Wow, I am going to have to work on a plan to get into grad school for History at my #1 choice of school. Turns out they offer a combined MA/Phd program and rarely admit those with MA's already.

Part of their process is recommendations from undergrad profs of which I really don't have. My undergrad GPA is not up to the par that I think will make me secure. So what is one to do. Yes, I am thinking I know the course and I am thinking it is going to be a little going back and doing what I should have done in undergrad the first time....yes, that is right, the first time to imply there will be another time.

Guess we shall see. The desired program really is a full time program so I am going to need a year or so more to save up and be able to do it full time anyway. I need to contact my undergrad school and see if I can start taking a few classes while I am working on finishing my MBA so I can start getting this busted out. Fun times.

Sunday, September 6, 2009

Cleaning the bookmarks

Wow! I have a ton of things bookmarked. There has to be an easier way to keep things of interest tagged. I have a ton that I never check once I bookmark them.

I did clean out all the ring bookmarks. You know which ones I am talking about. I kept one because they had some rings I really was looking at for right hand rings. But the others, are gone. Nah, it didn't make me sad or upset. I just think I have come to terms with the fact that I have been there done that, and chances are that it just won't happen again. I know, that is very defeatist but really, it doesn't upset me. It is a choice I am making. Sure, it could always change but right now, I don't see myself changing my mind.

Taking it one step further, my mancation probably will be extended. I am just not feeling it and really, I have so much I want to do in my life that I am not going to waste time looking. Sure, if someone walks in to my life and can fit then great, but I am not going to sit hear and pine to be in a relationship. Really, I am tired of being burned. I am tired of being judged; tired of not being given a chance because I am too serious, too big, too moody, too boring. I just DON'T CARE ANYMORE!!! Life is too short to try spend time looking for a guy.