Monday, March 30, 2009

Serious case of the Mondays

Warning!! VERY PMS fueled post below.

Symptoms: Irritability, short temper, agitation, repeating the chant "I hate my life", low tolerance for stupid people, lazy people, people who are all talk, people who flirt all day, people who have attitudes. All leading up to the patient cussing out the "IT" moron and walking out at 4pm. Aftermath was a ton of crying, calling The Boy and yelling, a lot of cussing, thoughts of going postal, wondering if I have enough in savings to quit (nope), and how to finally find time to write my resume. Yea, it was a BAD day.

I am also having Boy issues in my head. I am almost 33 and even after my divorce at 23 I thought I would be married again and with a family at 35. Now I am in a relationship with someone 1300 miles away. There are times when I think he would be completely happy like this forever. I am envious of my friends who have their boyfriends and husbands around. I want to go out to dinner, go to movies, cook dinner together, work on the house together, be adults together. But I don't get to do any of that. I am ready to work with someone towards goals. Pick out new furniture together, save together, start a family, be a team with someone. Instead I spend 6-7 weeks being single and then part of a couple for 5 days. I have a boyfriend who lives with his roommate, plays video games every weekend with his friends, sometimes it feels like I am dating someone in his early 20's. This was the type of guy I dated in college. I have been on dates and dated guys who have goals about their future, who do things in anticipation of adding someone to their lives and starting a family. Dare I say, they plan for their future. The Boy seems to think that planning is counterproductive and since things change, why plan. That is life!!! I love him but damn it, sometimes I feel like I am destined to live in this house alone and in a long distance relationship for ever,

I will be out of this funk before I step on the plane, I promise, I just need a little rest and time off, I think.

UPDATE: Thinking about this post tonight, I should clarify that I am not looking for The Boy to move back next month or pop questions, but it would be nice to know that we are both going down the same path. It would also help if this wasn't an open ended separation. And if I had some clue that he was thinking past next week or next month and planning a future past the next work project.

Sunday, March 29, 2009

I will pay to skip to Thursday

Today was a great day. I woke up in a panic at 7:30 that I had overslept for work. I realized that it was Sunday and I was going to spend the day pampering myself on a long deserved spa day. I made the rule that while I was in the spa that I wouldn't think about anything; no school, no work, nothing on the cost of this day, nothing. It was wonderful. Massage, facial, manicure, pedicure, haircut, sleep, pleasure reading, it was the best day. I even had an amazing lunch and I am going to have to learn to recreate the dressing they used. I think it will mean I need to go at lunch a few times and test it out. (Baby spinach salad at the Gaylord). :)

I have been doing a little daydreaming which I really need to stop. Not that daydreaming is a bad thing, but it just depresses me to think about something that is still uncertain and that I honestly don't see happening anytime soon. I wish I could express this but it has it's place and I don't think the blog is the place right now. Maybe it will be a walk conversation on Wednesday.

Now I just have to survive until Thursday when I get to go to DC to see The Boy. I did go and splurge on some sheets to take with me so that I can sleep good at his apartment. I am such a sheet snob. I am already seeing this week as being crazy. Thank goodness it is only a 4 day work week for me.

Thursday, March 26, 2009

Gotta get a camera

I have got to get a camera before the spring is over. I live at the edge of a subdivision with nothing to the north of me. During the spring, the images of the sky are AMAZING. The Boy makes fun of the amount of sky pics that I have. But no day is the same is each is something beautiful to me. The purples and pinks of sunset are so peaceful. I love sitting outside watching thunderstorms coming in. Right now there is a storm about 40 miles north that I can see the lightening from. It reminds me of what I am about to see this spring. I really want to learn to take better pictures. My ultimate goal is to take a lightening shot. I know it take practice but I really need an SLR camera to be able to do that. My current one just isn't cutting it anymore. I also want a good camera to take with me when we go on vacation this summer.

Shopping at work

I have been shopping off and on all day today. I am a bad employee and boss. I just hit a wall and decided to do some online window shopping. Of course my computer froze when I tried to go into Rue La La today and I missed a really cute pair of shoes.

I did get a little out of the selfish mode and started looking for birthday presents. Two of my closest friends are having birthdays in April and I have to find the perfect gift (oh, it is found let me tell you!!). I also have The Boy in May so that one is going to be hard.

Another find was Bratique Helene. I do not hide the fact that I am endowed and to the point where I really think that if I got a reduction I would be at my goal weight. No matter how much I lose, the girls are still there. Shopping for shirts is always a heart breaking experience. I can't find anything that fits. If it fits in the chest, it is loose in the waist. If it fits in the waist, it looks like they are trying to escape prison and run off. And you can forget about button up shirts...not happening; or so I thought. Enter Bratique Helene. I am so looking forward to going home tonight and measuring so I can order a shirt. I am tempted to just email and try to set up an appointment but I really need one of these before my non stop meetings in a few weeks.

Back to shopping, work for me!

Wednesday, March 25, 2009

Point to ponder

My newest assistant has started bring an apple for the teacher so to speak. Every morning, I eat a Pepperidge Farm mini wheat bagel with a slice of fat free cheese and a Morningstar sausage patty (5 points all in, thank you). I mean EVERY morning. I don't get sick of it, I know the points, and it satisfies that hot breakfast I crave.

However, SS as we will call her has started bringing me breakfast on some mornings after she realized I share the love of the fake sausage. This morning I got a "sausage" and egg biscuit. Oh, and I could tell the biscuit was one of the yummy fattening ones by the unnatural butter flavoring yellow tint.

I am tired of the weight and I am very strict with my points and don't really want to waste my points on this when I could have a drink with friends with my splurge points.

How do I tell her thanks but I can't eat what she brings? Or do I just keep putting it in my lunch bag and trashing it when I get home?

Tuesday, March 24, 2009

Give me back my day!!

I was at the office and was so happy that I had caught up on all of my email from Tuesday and was able to get back to trying to clean up Monday emails and deal with today's emails (yea I know what I just wrote). Then I realized that it wasn't Wednesday but still Tuesday and I hadn't really done anything. This is what happens when I try to stop the diet coke addiction.

It was an interesting day to say the least. I have got to get back to studying and trying to pull out this semester. I think have just gotten to the halfway point and I could use a break. I wish I wasn't forced to take the Quantiative Analysis class this summer. I would really think about taking the summer off and enjoying. I am just getting a bad case of burnout I think. Between work and school, I need some time away.

I hit the breaking point today and at that moment I called the spa and set up some time this weekend for some self pampering. I figure I can't take a vacation, at least I can take a half day for myself.

I really need to mow the lawn so I am going to have to do that on Thursday or Friday so that I can enjoy the whole weekend and not get sore the day after my pamper.

Finally, I found a new way to cook my standby the chicken breast!! I had a WW recipe that breaded it in a egg white wash and wheat germ. I tasted so much better than I thought and at 4 points it was filling but not a points killer. More amazingly, I cleaned the kitchen afterwards and have a load of dishes washing. For me, that is a good thing. I usally hate cleaning the kitchen. When The Boy is here, I cook and he cleans. Becasuse of that I have never really learned to cook with minimal mess. Now I am learning and it is tougher than I thought.

Off to study a little.

Sunday, March 22, 2009

Lemon Cornmeal Cookies

Once the kitchen was cleaned I decided to dirty it up a little and bake some cookies. I have been wanting to try this recipe for a while but I keep forgetting to get lemons at the store. Today I decided to not let that stop me and subbed in lemon extract instead. I like lemon so I added a little more than a normal substitution would call for. I am going to keep them glaze free for this round because I want to keep the calories right but for special occasions, I think I will create a lemon glaze to go on top. These cookies DO spread and I didn't take that into account when I put them on the cookie sheet. That is why I have blob shape cookies and not nice round ones. I really don't mind though, they all go down the same.

Lemon Cornmeal Cookies
(recipe adapted from Cooking Light)

Ingredients

  • 5.6 ounces all-purpose flour (about 1 1/4 cups)
  • 1/2 cup cornmeal
  • 2 teaspoons baking powder
  • 1/4 teaspoon salt
  • 1/2 cup sugar
  • 1/4 cup butter, softened
  • 1/4 cup canola oil
  • 1/4 cup light-colored corn syrup
  • 3 teaspoons lemon extract
  • 2 large egg whites
  • Cooking spray

Preparation

1. Preheat oven to 350°.

2. Weigh or lightly spoon flour into dry measuring cups; level with a knife. Combine flour, cornmeal, baking powder, and salt in a medium bowl, stirring with a whisk.

3. Place sugar and butter in a large bowl; beat with a mixer at medium speed until well blended (about 5 minutes). Add oil, syrup, rind, and egg whites, beating until blended. Gradually add flour mixture to sugar mixture; beat well. Drop dough by level tablespoonfuls 1 inch apart on 2 baking sheets coated with cooking spray. Bake at 350° for 10 minutes or until edges are golden. Place baking sheet on a wire rack; cool completely.

Nutritional Information

  • Calories: 96 (40% from fat)
  • Fat: 4.3g (sat 1.4g,mono 1.9g,poly 0.8g)
  • Protein: 1.2g
  • Carbohydrate: 13.6g
  • Fiber: 0.4g
  • Cholesterol: 5mg
  • Iron: 0.5mg
  • Sodium: 85mg
  • Calcium: 24mg


  • Busy Sunday Part 2

    OMG!!!! It's done...well almost done. I have left the hall bath, guest room, and office for another day. I am tired of cleaning and now that the main rooms are clean, I am going to stop while I am ahead. I need time to relax and enjoy my weekend. I do have more laundry to do but that can be done while I am enjoying my Sunday TV. And yes, I has THAT MUCH laundry. I hate to do it and wait until I am out of everything.

    Busy Sunday Part 1

    Decided at 2:30 I needed a break from housework and I needed to eat lunch finally.

    I ended up staying up WAY too late last night watching Real Genuis and got to sleep around 2 this morning. Apparently I forgot to turn off the alarm clock because at 6 this morning it started going off. I turned it off and slept till my 9:30 alarm went off. Got up and made a little breakfast chalupa with a corn tortilla, 2 scrambled eggs, a little fat free cheese, a morning star sausage patty and salsa. Yummy and I was off on to tackle the day! I had no idea that I would decide today was the day to spring clean after neglecting the house for a month.

    As of right now, 4 loads of laundry done or in the process, closet cleaned with 2 bags go stuff to give away, dresser drawers cleaned out and reorganized, bed room cleaned, bathroom cleaned, kitchen in the process, living room in the process. Still on the agenda....finish kitchen and living room, dust and vaccum guest room, vaccuum dining room, straighten up mud room, clean laundry room, finish laundry ,plan meals for the week, and get ready for a staff meeting tomorrow morning at 8am.

    Oh!!! And a year ago today, I had a great date with a great guy who ended up being able to put up with me and my moods and didn't get scared off. He's the best and I miss him so much on this day when I am cleaning but would rather be enjoying his company. 10 more days and I will be able to hop on a plane and see him!!

    Saturday, March 21, 2009

    Life lessons finally learned

    I think I finally realized that not everyone is going to like me. I don't have to try to make them, some people just never will. I am not going to worry about that anymore. I am also going to stop worrying if people think I am being a dork or am not what they think I should be. It goes back to that I don't care what you think thing. People will either like me or they won't. I am not going to change for anyone.

    All I care about now is surviving till time for this....

    c/o flicker

    Friday, March 20, 2009

    It's a small world Part 2

    I was watching TV last night while talking to The Boy. I made him stop mid sentence because I recognized an old friend of mine on the news. I wish I would have been able to not find her the way I did. She was on TV because her daughter, who is 4, was diagnosed with a very aggressive type of brain cancer. I wouldn't feel right just going about my life and not acknowledging this brave little girl and her amazing mom. But how do you connect with someone who you haven't talked to and what do you say. She might not even remember me! We might have left on worse terms than I could remember. Oh I just don't know! All I know is that I will keep her and her family in my thoughts and when the words come to me, I will write that email.

    If you want to know more about my old friend and her daughter, you can go here.

    Thursday, March 19, 2009

    It's a small world Part 1

    So much has happened the past few days. A lot of little things that make a post but one big thing that maybe deserves it's own post. Now for the little things.

    The Boy got me a spa gift certificate, yea!!! I am going to go pamper myself next weekend. I think the last time spent some time at the spa was over a year ago. Amazing when you know that I was once the girl that had to have a massage and pedicure at least once a month. How things change when you have a mortgage. He was so sweet to do that since he couldn't be here to mark our first year together. It seems so strange to think it has been a year. From the first amazing date that lasted way too long to the second date where here called me the wrong name (he did it a few times) it has been a crazy ride. I would have never thought I would be where I am with him today but I wouldn't trade it.

    I am so far behind on my school work that it is scaring me. Tomorrow, I am going to work a half day and then get caught back up on my school work. I have a few assignments I am going to have to turn in late. I think I have a lotta bit of spring fever happening.

    My mom is supposed to be coming to hang out with me tomorrow. I think we are going to hit up Legacy Books after work and grab a bite to eat. I decided to use tomorrow as my blow off meal of the week and use my extra points.

    Speaking of points, I am getting very frustrated. I have been following my points and nothing!!! It's like I can't lose a freaking pound to save my life! I have got to figure this out.

    Bedtime!!

    Monday, March 16, 2009

    I am really not good at this

    All in all, this was a good Monday. The boss is on vacation so the incoming is less than the outgoing and I am getting caught back up and dare I say, even ahead. I am finally using my new help productively and passing on things. I jumped right into writing all of my processes and procedures and doing process flows. There was a time it was interesting but it is a little boring now. At least it fills up a day.

    On the WW track, I am back on track but boy am I hungry! I forget the first few days are hard on me as I scale back down my eating. I am not really into sweets that often, but I crave carbs, fried food, and cheese. I am going through withdrawal right now I feel like :) The weather here is helping and it is making me want to get outside and start working out again. So, I haven't actually done it but the thought is the first step!

    What I don't think I am good at is this long distance thing. I can't seem to articulate what is going on in my mind. I have written it over and over and it never comes out right. I think it is time to move to the paper journal to try and sort it out.

    Saturday, March 14, 2009

    Baking the day away

    Banana bran mini muffins down, wheat bread rising, all kitchen cabinets cleaned out and grandma's dishes finally have a temporary home that is not on my window seat. It's been a good first day off. :) I still have school work to do but I will get there.

    I am thinking it might be time to take a break from baking and get cooking something or else I am going to go into a carb overload. But....I must say, the first attempt at the bread with the new mixer came out great. I of course did wheat instead of white and modified the recipe to use honey instead of sugar. I should have let it rise a little more but I got impatient. Next time I will try and make it a little less dense. Even with it being a little flat it still tastes great, especially with a little honey on top.





    Whole Wheat Honey Bread
    (modified from KitchenAid)

    1/2 cup milk
    2 tablespoons honey
    3 tablespoons butter
    2 teaspoons salt
    2 packages of yeast
    1 1/2 cups warm water
    4 1/2 cups wheat flour
    1/2 - 1 1/2 cups all purpose flour

    Heat milk, honey, butter, and salt till butter melts. Remove from heat to reduce temperature to luke warm.

    Dissolve yeast in warm water. You can do this in the bowl you plan to mix the dough in, just make sure that the bowl is not cold.

    Add wheat flour, milk mixture and yeast in bowl and mix well. Add all purpose flour a 1/2 cup at a time till it forms a ball and doesn't stick to the side of the bowl. Knead till dough is smooth and elastic.

    Allow to rise to double it's size, split into two balls, form into loafs and put in greased loaf pans. Allow to rise to double again. Once done, cook at 400 degrees for about 30 minutes.


    I cut out a lot of the steps in here because the original recipe is made for use with a dough hook. I tried to cut out that part and just show the steps as generic as possible.

    Friday, March 13, 2009

    A weekend of nothing

    Absolutely nothing! No work, minimal schoolwork and relaxing. I plan on sleeping in tomorrow and then catching up on the movies and cooking a little. Not sure if I will be going out to do anything for St. Patrick's Day but we shall see. In honor of the day though, I am going to try my hand at a few potato specialties. I think I am going to try to make some potato bread and maybe cook a boxty for dinner.

    I made roasted red pepper hummus last night and I a might never buy the stuff again. I would post the recipe but it is still missing something so I am going to keep trying it to make it perfect (it is pretty close right now). It is also really simple....garbanzos, lemon juice, olive oil, garlic, pepper, red peppers, and tahini. Throw it in the food processor and there you go! Best part, low WW points!

    Not sure about everyone else, but this time change has messed up my eating schedule. It is 7:30 and I am not really hungry but need to go ahead and eat. Oh well, time to work on the pork chops!

    Tuesday, March 10, 2009

    Time Out

    Ever feel like you could use a time out from life?

    I really need some time away from things or at least one week where all the parts of my life are at peace and don't take turns beating me up.

    It might be time for a mental health day soon. I would do it if I didn't feel complete guilt for taking a day off of work.

    Oh well, back to work I go!

    Sunday, March 8, 2009

    Vacation

    I am not sure I can wait until the end of the summer for vacation. I realize I haven't had a vacation other than a long weekend since August of 2007.

    I love The Boy but I might have to take a solo vacation before we go on our vacation. If not, I am really worried that I am going to do something stupid in my job that will cost me my job.

    Friday, March 6, 2009

    Can I go to bed?

    I am so tired right now! It is really pathetic when I am thinking of going to bed at 9 on a Friday night. I blame it on the a few things that returned to my life this week...one of them being a stressful day at work. It has been a while since I let the stress get to me and it came back today.

    I am looking forward to this weekend. A little Rock Band tomorrow, a lot of school work, a little work work, a little baking, and some cleaning. I think Sunday is going to be a good day to get the closet cleaned out. I am going to chance it and put up the winter sweaters. I have a few ideas on some organization things I want to do in there.

    Contrary to what I wear usually (Chucks thank you!) and the fact that I don't wear accessories, I do have a ton of other shoes and jewelry. I just can never find them or I forget what I have. I am definitely a out of sight out of mind girl so I need to be able to see what I have.

    Yep, I think it is almost time to retire the Chucks to Friday work attire and weekends. :( Oh growing up sucks. I have to find a way to be me but still be the boss. IT geek who is more comfortable in her tshirts and Converse among her servers and switches gets to be the boss and retire her soundtrack of Bosstones when programming with the door shut and try to motivate a few "kids" to actually care about their job and do it right. All when I really just want to go back to my own comfort zone. Oh adult life sucks sometimes....

    Wednesday, March 4, 2009

    Wimpy Wimpy Wimpy

    When did I become a weakling! I have got to be the most out of shape person out there! (Ok, I really know am I not but I sure feel like it.) I went out walking with a friend tonight and I am sore....from walking of all things. I have got to start exercising again. Luckily with daylight saving time I will be able to have more time after work to do just that. I am hoping now that it is getting warmer that I can start my workouts at lunch.

    Is it so much to ask to just be able to have some stamina for a walk? I knowI need to lose weight but really, all I want is to feel healthy. I want to be able to go on vacation this summer and be able to hike and take full advantage of where we are going. I think I am going to have to bribe myself to be able to actually stick to working out.

    Oh crap, good movie on TV. Looks like I am going to be watching TV in the bedroom tonight. :)

    Tuesday, March 3, 2009

    Home Sweet Home

    What a day!! I feel so far behind but I just don't care anymore. I have really started to view work as a means to an end and not life anymore. The guilt and scare of feeling like my boss is going to notice and fire me is always there still but I realize I am the one who feels that way and not him.

    I was talking to a friend today and we were comparing our Girl Scout days. The arts and crafts, the sleep overs, the camping, the badges, and of course the cookies. I remember my badge book and loving being able to learn new things AND check off the activities I did to earn a badge. It gave me the change to try something new. It made me wish there was a Big Girl Badge book. Maybe it would make me try new things. Hmm, maybe I will make my own badges as build the criteria for earning them. Of course, I can create a badge in Photoshop, but I can also reward myself with a new purchase. Maybe an Italian cooking badge and then be able to buy the pasta maker for my mixer when I finish. Or maybe the master bath decorating badge and buy a new make up table or some amazing towels. Really, it is just an excuse to shop. :)

    I am looking forward to my newest foray into crafting and picking back up quilting again. I had been wanting to for a while but it has been so long that I wasn't really sure how to start. Thank goodness, Oh, Fransson!, one the blogs I always read is starting a Quilt Along. Yea!! I can get back into it. I do need to run to my parent's house and grab my sewing machine but I should be all set to start. I can't wait. I have visions of quilts as Christmas presents. I can see it now....Ok maybe I can't, but I can sure try!!

    Monday, March 2, 2009

    A perfect Monday

    Is there such a thing...a perfect Monday? After a long absence, I started training my new help today. She seems like she will catch on very well; one can only hope. The whole time I was at work, I was actually looking forward to going home. I got home and started a load of laundry, put on my favorite sweats and I am just chilling.

    The Boy makes fun of me because I never eat leftovers. I have been trying to prove him wrong. Tonight I used some leftover venison steak, left over grilled zucchini, left over corn and some grape tomatoes and sauteed them up. Then I put them with some spinich pasta, a little tomato sauce and asiago cheese. I even shocked myself in how easy and simple it was! And I will never be able to reproduce it. I never think things will be good so I don't write down what I do or use till it is too late.

    It would be 100% perfect if I was sitting on the couch next to The Boy instead of a stack of clean sheets that I need to put on the bed. Soon enough though...24 days.