Wednesday, September 30, 2009

Pissed off rant

Ok, I am going to start this with saying I am EXTREMELY PISSED at the moment. I am so pissed I am typing this through tears. I am also going to say this is direct at a very few people who I have come in contact with and not a general population.

I hate people that use their religion as something to hide behind. Maybe that is the wrong word but it suits right now.

I have been up since 4am. I am sitting outside of the office hoping maintenance shows up or the cleaning crew doesn't clean at midnight all because some rude guy can't be kind and come back to the office and lock up after he left for the day without me having a key and wouldn't wait 3 minutes for me to finish. I thought I had a key but wanted to check it first but he rushed out before I could. I called him to ask him if he could come back and lock up and "sorry, I am too far out". He says he is a Christian man who helps other people and spending time with the church. However, today he was nothing but rude to me, talked down to me, treated me like I was less than a co-worker.

Let's see, on top of that 2 other people I knew always preached the good word while talking trash about everyone and anyone. They gossiped, called people names, spread lies about people.

People like that just upset me. Now, I never claim to be a perfect person, no one is. However, I try to always live by the golden rule. I am always supportive of people, I don't spread lies about people, I always hope for the best out of people. I think it is because I personally know how it feels to be the person that people are making fun of, calling names, treating like crap.

There was a time I put up a wall to protect me from that. I won't deny that sometimes (like today) it comes back up and I don't want to let anyone in. But, I know now to not let people like that ruin me. I don't let them get to me or ruin my day. I feel for them that they think they have to do that to fit in. Tomorrow, I will walk in the office and be just as nice to people as I always am and then when it comes time to leave, I will detach and live my life.

Tuesday, September 29, 2009

Just got home and I gotta do what!!

Of all nights to have a full 3 hour stats class, it had to be tonight. 3 hours of wonderful stats, 1 hour drive home and now I have to pack and pass out? Give me a break! I have to be out of the house by 5:30 in the morning. I am driving to the armpit of Texas tomorrow (I say that in the nicest of ways). My goal is to get out of town before traffic hits.

Get to go to the office down there and clean up after an employment disaster. The on Thursday I have 9 interviews scheduled to again, clean up employment disaster. Friday I get to finish cleaning up said disaster and then drive home. I do this why again? Oh yea, because I like being able to throw a few 4 letter words to my boss and no other place will allow me that freedom. :)

In all honestly, sometimes I wonder why I do what I do for work. Then I remember that my goal is only to be there another 2-3 years before I can do school full time. I have an amazing degree of freedom (left at 4 today to go raid my mom's store), I know the job, I have seniority to not be low on the totem pole, and I hate interviewing and looking for job.

I am looking forward to the hotel and being able to crash and watch the big TV at night. Also, being able to study without having the distractions of the house here.

Time to start writing and get to work. Thank goodness I am driving and not flying. I still have my suitcase out from my vacation (don't judge!!! It's empty at least) so I think I will be throwing everything in there, grab a dress for Thursday and throw it in the car and be done with it. Tomorrow and Friday will be cleaning and moving crap so it will be jeans and a t-shirt so packing should be easy and minimal wrinkles from throwing crap in the suitcase.

Sunday, September 27, 2009

Productive and sleepy Sunday

Today was a busy day.

I was up bright and early at 8am. I was outside washing the car by 8:45. I washed it and then waxed out the places where people have been nice enough to leave their paint in the parking lot.

I was out of the house at 11 to go meet my parents at the Greek Food Festival. It was good and of course I over ate but I figure it was a once in a year treat so I could indulge.

When I came home, I was really tired so I ended up taking a little nap that turned into sleeping the afternoon away. Now I am just tired and icky feeling.

I would plan my menu for this week, but I honestly have no idea what my week is going to hold. The only thing that is certain in class on Tuesday night. There is a real possibility that I will end up in Houston this week. I think this week it will just be eating what I can think of out of the house.

Now time to watch Sunday shows and wash a few loads of clothes to get ready for whatever my week brings to me.

PS...I just found the first team on Amazing Race I hope get eliminated before it starts.

Thursday, September 24, 2009

On a money high

Accounting rocks!!! No, I have not just smoked something. For the most part, I am not a fan of what I have to do, but the puzzle I just solved makes me actually like it. I have been working on this for 2 weeks and it all finally clicked. Now watch the CPA come back and say nope. I say poo to you then and I still think I rocked it!!!

Tuesday, September 22, 2009

Much better night

I got an A on my test!! I knew I either did really good or really bad; there was going to be no in between.

It was so nice walking back to my car parked in BFE tonight. The weather is getting so nice and fall feeling. But as I am typing this I am realizing I need to break out the lotion or else my hands are going to look awful. Getting old really bites!!

So I am having delayed stages of grief it seems. Right now, I am just pissed at The Boy (ex edition). I'm not going into it but it feels good to be mad for a chance.

After my pity party post this morning, I went ahead and locked myself in my office and started working on crunching numbers and getting the books back into acceptable standards. No, I did not get them unacceptable. I am taking them back over and have about a week's worth of work to undo 2 months worth of damage. I am finding it oddly calming to just deal with things that are not people. I guess I have just hit my limit on people for the last few days.

Oh well, of to bed. Gotta get up EARLY in the morning and get to the airport to catch my flight. I am scared I am not going to wake up on time. I have been oversleeping the last few weeks due to my allergies. I guess the fear will be my motivator.

Kil me

I just want to cry right now. I am really tired of my current situation all around. Is it wrong to be sitting in a staff meeting and looking at new jobs trying to hold back tears?

Sunday, September 20, 2009

Left out

Most of the time I am OK with my current state. Some days it does get to me. I love my friends, but I feel like I don't fit in with them some times. I also rarely get sad about being alone. I rarely miss having someone around to have company and to curl on the couch, to talk to, to love. But tonight I did. I know, this too shall pass. I get over it. I move on and I keep doing what I am doing. I know I chose the path I am on. I chose to be single. I chose to not date. I chose this life. I know it gets easier and these days come fewer and fewer.

I am not throwing myself a pity party here. I just needed to get it off of my chest. If I didn't, it would eat me up.

Friday, September 18, 2009

Back on track

Trying to get back on track around here. This past week while I was sick I lost all motivation to do anything. I literally, lived in the moment. I didn't care about anything but getting well. I think I am about 90% better and it is time to start getting back on track.

I am working tomorrow until 1 and then I have schoolwork to do and an email to write to the head of the government department at hopeful school A. Time is wasting and I need to get moving and get prepped to enroll in the Spring.

I need to clean house...BADLY!!!! That is all I am going to say about that. I think I am going to lightly do some school work tonight and watch a few episodes of The West Wing (yep, I'm a dork) and then head to bed and get a fresh start on my back on track life tomorrow. :) Yes, I am very Scarlett O'Hara in my procrastination.

Thursday, September 17, 2009

This isn't right


This is just wrong on so many levels.

1. See that backhoe? See that fence? That fence is supported by a 2x4. The bucket on that backhoe is about 10 feet from my fence. Come on baby, mama needs a new fence.

2. See that backhoe? See that house? The wall right next to that little section of fence is my bedroom. If that thing starts up in the morning like I heard it this morning (it was on the other side of the field) at 6:30 then some backhoe operator is going to get an earful. The city will be called and I will be the builder's WORST nightmare. I know, I am a grouchy person, but mornings are not my thing.

3. This means I am getting a new house next to me in the coming months. After 2 years of no neighbors, I am not sure I am ready for this.

Wednesday, September 16, 2009

Just a random comment

Think about a food any food. When is the last time you ate it? I just saw a Dunkin Donuts commercial and it made me think about how long it has been since I have had a donut. I can't remember the last time I ate one!! Not that I want to eat one, but it is good to think about something as sinful (to me at least) as a donut and not want one or even miss it.

Time out

I still felt icky today when I woke up. I got myself out of bed and to work only to leave early. I realized I shouldn't come in when I started bawling my eyes out because of my major accounting project and not being able to do simple logical math.

It only got worse when I gave FedEx a piece of my mind about a package I called to have picked up. Now, mind you, said package is in France. My amazing boss left it there to be shipped back and asked me to take care of it I called last week for a pick up and never got the package. I then had to call FedEx only to find out that my package is still in France because the place it is at won't return the FedEx phone call to schedule the pickup on their end and FedEx policy is to not give the package owner notification. I started crying AGAIN and caved and called The Boy and left a message begging for help. If I remember, the jest of my message was that I need help because France was holding my package and wouldn't return it and I need translation assistance. Yea, he won't call me on that one. He will probably think I have lost my mind finally. Of course, I am sick and I did preface the call by saying I was sick and headed home after France gave me back my package.

SO anywhoo.... I can home, passed out on the couch after working a little longer, woke up with a headache and starving. Luckily, I told myself that I need to cook today even if I was sick. Best freaking idea I ever had!! Before I passed out, I pulled out some stew meat from the freezer. Stew is now cooking on the stove and it is rainy outside so I am feeling very cozy and fall like. Yea!!!

Tuesday, September 15, 2009

I got the bug

CRAP!!!!!!!!

That is what I am feeling like. I can.not.believe I got sick. I rarely get sick. I have a ton to do for school and even more to do for work and I can't afford to be down a day. I have to get to work tomorrow. Now, that doesn't mean I am going to go in looking amazing. It means, if I am feeling like I do right now, I will be sporting the sick look.

Let's see....talked to an old friend yesterday that I hadn't heard from in a while. It was good to catch up and it was a bit of an ego boost as well. :)

Work blows. Let me just say I am not an auditor or an accountant and what I am doing right now, those types of people get paid BIG bucks to do. Me, just another day on my job learning as I go and putting that MBA knowledge my company DIDN'T and DOESN'T pay for to work.

Ok, must drag my butt to bed.

Sunday, September 13, 2009

All out of juice

3 hours of reading boring stuff and I am all out of juice. The couch is calling my name and I think I am going to listen to it for a while. Tonight's plan is to cook dinner, enjoy a little TV and then go to bed early. I have to be in at 7 or so in the morning and if I don't hit the hay early, I am never going to do that.

So the menu for the week!!

Sunday - Chicken Ravioli with homemade tomato sauce
Monday - Greek salad
Tuesday - Tomato soup and a sandwich (provided I get out of school early enough)
Wednesday - herb chicken with veggies
Thursday - Brisket and roasted potatoes
Friday - spaghetti and Italian Sausage
Saturday - new recipe day!!

Work in prgress

Well I think I am going to leave it like it is and then add as I see fit. I have an idea of how I want to do my links but I am not quite committed to it yet. I will keep working on it offline and when it is all set like I like, then I will go ahead and upload it.

It has been a rainy weekend and I couldn't ask for anything better. Right now I am a little restless. I need to be studying but I can't settle down and sit still to be able to do that. I am hoping a shower after this post settles me down.

I am dreading Monday and really am not looking forward to being back at work. I must find a way to stop dreading it so much. The line, "It's a paycheck" isn't working anymore. I really just need to pull on the big girl panties and start looking at work as a means to an end I guess. I need to start saving like there is not tomorrow and trying to figure out how to live on less (which shouldn't be that hard).

This week, I have my first stats class test and I plan on studying for that later tonight and tomorrow.

I need to plan my weekly menu and I think this time it is going to have to be using what is already in the house. No more expensive trips to the grocery store each week. I am going to have to learn to use what is on hand, searching out the sales and then treating myself to one meal a week that I splurge on cooking.

Off to clean up, sit and figure out the menu this week (which I will post for the heck of it) and then study. What a life I lead!!

Please Pardon the Mess

I am in the middle of a resdesign and will be messing with it for the next few days or so.

Friday, September 11, 2009

The weekend!!

Thank goodness this week is over!!

Tonight has been relaxing and I got good news!! I got my room confirmation for my November trip.....

Counting to 10 is for the birds

I have counted to 10 more this week than usual. See, I am trying to just let work go. Not let it get to me. Not care anymore. My vested interest in this organization is done. For the most part I am doing good. However, the one thing I have a problem with is common stupidity. I also have a problem when this character trait shows itself in the person who is getting the job that. for a long time. I thought I wanted.

There is a whole back story on this person, but let's just say that I have serious reason to question their reasoning and critical thinking skills and their ability to read people. Made more clear yesterday when the person had no clue how to even begin to read a P&L. Made even more clear today when the person had no clue that to bring on a contractor, there has to be a contractor agreement stating what this person would be doing and what they would be paid. Add to that a hint of this person thinks they are good at strategic planning but more than once I have had to slap this person in the face figuratively to get them to stop arranging chairs on the deck of the Titanic and start trying to fix the hole.

Oh and it just got better!!! Another one of the morons I have been covering for just asked for a MAJOR increase in pay after I fixed yet another mess up.

I am so over this place and worrying about these people!! I just tell myself 1 more year till I get my MBA. Hopefully, 2 and a half years till I get my MA and then I can go into my PhD program. Please oh please let time fly!!!!

Thursday, September 10, 2009

Make it stop!

Oh my, this is the longest short week ever!! I really don't remember the start of the week. I know it existed but I am not sure I can recall anything that happened.

I am sure I have a lot to say but the tired is making it hard to think about anything to be honest. The rain coming down is making it hard to stay awake as well. Maybe I should go to bed early. I have been oversleeping all week.

I ended up working late tonight and missed going to kickboxing class. Of course from what I heard about it, I am sure I probably would have puked. Not sure I am up for that hard of a class just yet. Also, as my back was killing me and I caught myself slouching in my chair at the office remembering how good my posture once was, I thought maybe I should check out a pilates class in the area. I found a place and think I am going to go ahead and schedule a couple of individual sessions and get used to it and start group classes. I am not one for group classes and luckily these classes are capped at about 6 people.

I guess we will see, everything looks better after sleep. It is supposed to rain for a few days so I really need to try to keep positive and not let the weather start effecting my mood.

Wednesday, September 9, 2009

TMI on Facebook

I have been reading a lot of articles about the apparent lack of self restraint on Facebook. I though my friends were doing OK till I got the "I'm hot and sweaty" post. Oh or what about the one where the friend uses Facebook as a platform to sell their pyramid marketing products?

Seriously people, STOP IT!!!! And stop playing Mafia Wars too or at least posting every notifcation you can to it. I finally had to hide that dumb game. Next up is Farmville is people don't stop. Sad when my favorite postings on Facebook are NPR.

Now to shut up the hour long text therapy session with the ex-hubs about current marriage and get back to studying. Why people come to the single chick for relationship advice is beyond me. Folks, I am single!! I am content to live my days single and I definitely am not into dating so I am not sure why I am the one who gives sound advice about something I clearly can't and don't want to be in.

Funky Time

And not in a good way either. It's getting better but I was in a funk on the way home. I finally got around to mailing off The Boy's stuff. Blah on that.

I think I just forgot what all I did today that should have made me happy. I booked my October trip to CA and figured out what the crap I am going to do there that weekend.

I booked my November VA trip and kind of figured out the game plan for that.

Most importantly, I paid of my shiny Nordstrom card. I paid it off the same day I got the mail about the triple rewards points and the pretty September mini catalog.....great. Must.resist.temptation!!

Of course, this purse is calling to me.

Monday, September 7, 2009

Ephiphany!!

I had an epiphany while doing some housework! I ultimately would like to be able to do research on political origins in US History so I would need some political science knowledge. Why not work on a MS in Political Science and take some upper level history classes as electives and then work from there to get into the PhD program of #1 school. I really need to talk to an adviser and get this figured out.

How bad do you want something?

Wow, I am going to have to work on a plan to get into grad school for History at my #1 choice of school. Turns out they offer a combined MA/Phd program and rarely admit those with MA's already.

Part of their process is recommendations from undergrad profs of which I really don't have. My undergrad GPA is not up to the par that I think will make me secure. So what is one to do. Yes, I am thinking I know the course and I am thinking it is going to be a little going back and doing what I should have done in undergrad the first time....yes, that is right, the first time to imply there will be another time.

Guess we shall see. The desired program really is a full time program so I am going to need a year or so more to save up and be able to do it full time anyway. I need to contact my undergrad school and see if I can start taking a few classes while I am working on finishing my MBA so I can start getting this busted out. Fun times.

Sunday, September 6, 2009

Cleaning the bookmarks

Wow! I have a ton of things bookmarked. There has to be an easier way to keep things of interest tagged. I have a ton that I never check once I bookmark them.

I did clean out all the ring bookmarks. You know which ones I am talking about. I kept one because they had some rings I really was looking at for right hand rings. But the others, are gone. Nah, it didn't make me sad or upset. I just think I have come to terms with the fact that I have been there done that, and chances are that it just won't happen again. I know, that is very defeatist but really, it doesn't upset me. It is a choice I am making. Sure, it could always change but right now, I don't see myself changing my mind.

Taking it one step further, my mancation probably will be extended. I am just not feeling it and really, I have so much I want to do in my life that I am not going to waste time looking. Sure, if someone walks in to my life and can fit then great, but I am not going to sit hear and pine to be in a relationship. Really, I am tired of being burned. I am tired of being judged; tired of not being given a chance because I am too serious, too big, too moody, too boring. I just DON'T CARE ANYMORE!!! Life is too short to try spend time looking for a guy.

Nerves

I am not sure why my nerves are getting to me but I can't settle down! I haven't felt this anxious in a while. Maybe it is just because I have been moving around today and going a million miles. I know I just need to settle down and relax for a little bit. I also probably need to lay off the caffeine for the rest of the night.

I got a lot of studying am doing all I can to stay up with my school work this semester. Turns out, I am going to be in school a lot longer than I thought. But next time, it will be something I enjoy. Something I can see myself doing for a long time. Business is NOT something I want to do forever. I don't want to think about being in an office crunching numbers for 30+ more years.

So I guess I can say what the next step is. Once I get my MBA, I am going to keep my job for a while and start back up getting my MS in History and from there work on my History PhD and work on teaching history at the university level. Funny as it sounds, I really want to do research and write. I love learning about things in the past and finding new connections. I am even starting to find my specialization in what interests me. I am interested in colonial history focusing on the history of government and the start of political parties and their journey to what our current system is. I am still narrowing my focus and the I know that will be changing as I learn more and more. I know that it will always be changing.

But until that time I am going to be working on getting this first step done and over with.

Thursday, September 3, 2009

I'm addicted




To lightening that is. I know I am having beginner's luck and getting 5 shots in one night is not going to happen often but let me tell you, it gives me a RUSH. I was smart enough to find a way to do them from inside the house, but it was still just as fun.

I was studying along and then I started to see it and I had to put the books away and get the camera to play. I was really going to not do it tonight, but it just kept on and I knew I couldn't miss it. Trust me, they look so much better in the original size.

YEA!!!!

For the first time in 11 years....I have NO car payment. I paid off my car today. :)

This make me VERY happy. I never planned to keep my car this long. I was one of those people who always figured I would have a car payment. But something funny happened along the way. I started to REALLY want to save as much as possible. Sure, I will probably get a new car next year. I mean, my baby has over 135,000 miles on it. It can't go forever, but right now, this is wonderful. I think even if I get a new car sometime, I will keep this one until it dies. It is nice knowing that if my job situation changes, I only have the mortgage. And if I get a new car and something happens with the job, I can get rid of that one and still have a car free and clear of any monthly payments. Life is good.

Wednesday, September 2, 2009

The Way Out

I am so excited!! If I could get over my headache, I know I would really be excited but right now I will take what I have.

I am not ready to post about my plans, but I have a way out of the boring crap I currently do. It will take a while but it will be a good goal to work towards I am sure. Yes, it will mean more school but it will be finally studying something I am passionate about.

I started my MBA to fulfill a goal I set for myself. It will serve the purpose of literally feeding me so a while and helping me to build a savings that I am going to need. But the MBA isn't feeding my soul. I sit at school and in the discussion boards of my online classes and I see and read people having conversations about business and being passionate about it. I have never felt that way. I don't want to sit around and discuss business strategy, marketing methods, great business leaders, project management, financial standards and all that jazz. I want to go to school, do my work and not think about it.

I have found myself feeling that way about my work as well. Sure, I care that my business is successful. If it wasn't I wouldn't be getting paid or have a job. But I see the passion that my boss and co-workers put into it and I just don't have it. I try to feel it and it just upsets me, the BS that happens isn't fun for me, it knocks me down and sometimes physically pains me. I just hate the corporate world. There I said it. I can try all I want, but it just doesn't feed my soul anymore.

I look at people and envy those that can make a living in their passion. I have always wanted that but I could never figure out what my passion was. I have things I like to do, but really, they are not what I live for. Thinking about this, I started (actually on vacation) trying to ask myself if I could do ANYTHING what would it be? If I could work ANYWHERE where what type of environment would it be. I also thought of all the other things I have thought I would like to do and thought about the pros and the cons of them and what I would like and what I wouldn't. A huge theme came out in them all. I found the thing that made me excited and happy and that I could spend hours on.

For the first time, I feel like I am doing what I want and living up to my own expectations. I finally feel like I have the confidence not to follow other people's dreams for me and live up to their expectations about what I should be doing with my life and it feel REALLY good.

Tuesday, September 1, 2009

Birthday Recap

It was a wonderful birthday.

Woke up at 7am and decided to sleep in till 7:34 when my birthday officially begins. Yes, I know the time because my mother used to kid me that it was the last time I woke up early. Hopped out of bed, got dressed and went to an office with one other person in it. Did brainless work all day, left at 4:30 and went to dinner with the parents. Stopped home on the way to dinner to check the mail since I am expecting some pretty important things and I never trust my mail. Got an unexpected card that made me have faith in people again. Then when I got home I had a good phone conversation with a friend I don't talk to much and called it a night.

Today is my long day, work and then school. I should roll into the house about 11:30 tonight. Now off to more mindless work!