Tuesday, October 27, 2009

I see the end

Wow, what a day. 9 hours of my finance project (almost done), then straight to a 2 hour Stat exam. If I look at another number I am going to lose it. I am two days behind on work email so after I finish the forecast tomorrow I get to work on email!

The test started bad but it all clicked and this will be one of those that I either rock or bomb. There will be in between.

Tomorrow night after work I MUST clean this house up. I have to bomb the house on Thursday for fleas yet again. This time, I think I tracked them in from outside. I live behind a big open field. I have found animal "things" in my back yard that are too big for a normal house pet and the cat doesn't go out there without me and never where I found said "things". So, having fleas in the backyard is not entirely unthinkable. Every year about this time, they seem to migrate into the house and I am tired of it! I haven't had my baby home in 2 weeks because of this issue and being out of town. I need her back.

This is turning into a long post,but I just had to say this. It is too early to tell, but I think my bad habit medicine is having a welcome side effect. I seem to not be indulging in junk food and I haven't been getting cravings for it. I am staying away from junk food and being good I am headed back to the Dr. next week for a follow up for something else (I don't talk about it till I know it isn't.) and I have decided to wear the same thing and what the weight is then. I am hoping to lose about 3 this week.

Monday, October 26, 2009

A ittle breakdown, a little break through

I slept like crap last night. The power went out at the house an I had to go around in the dark trying to remember what lights were on so I could turn them off. I was worried they would wake me up...well that was a big fail. I was almost asleep and my phone rang. Thank you ex-husband for needing advice late at night. I will pay you back. We got off the phone and no sooner had I snuggled back in, then the power came back on. I had no clue the TV would pop back on. The alarm went off way too early this morning and I made it to my Monday morning staff meeting at exactly 8am.

I have a month's worth of work to do in 2 days and I don't have time to deal with stupidity. I also have a Stat test tomorrow and I am just tired of studying. I think I will stop for the night, get a good nights sleep and then try and do the last little bit tomorrow afternoon after my first deadline and before class.

Tonight, I made a quick cauliflower soup. It was pretty good. Now that I have a base, I can start working on making it better. Very easy. I melted butter, sweated some onions and garlic in the butter, added a little flour, browned it up, threw in a head of cauliflower, a carton of unsalted chicken stock, and then simmered until the cauliflower was tender. Added a little bit of milk, got the immersion blender out and pureed it. Added a little more butter, salt and pepper and I was good to go.

Sunday, October 25, 2009

Weekend Recap

It was a busy yet lazy weekend around the homestead.

Saturday I ended up at the office most of the day. I only got done a portion of the many things I have on my plate in the office. I am really trying not to get overwhelmed but I am failing miserably. I feel like I am the only one with a ton of work on my plate. Everyone is asking me to do stuff and I just can't keep up with everyone's demands of my time on petty things. I have a ton of MAJOR projects to get done and no one seems to care even when they have nothing they are doing. Sales are down and everyone has time to point fingers at me instead of trying to do their own jobs and increase sales. But luckily my boss knows all that is on my plate. I even told him I am about to pay out of my own pocket for a part time assistant. Which if I could afford it, I would but right now, I can't. I do what I do and I can't do anymore than that.

Saturday night, was girls night and I went out with my oldest friend to get her away from her family for a while. We usually go out to dinner and I was craving one of my favorite places, a little pricey but I can afford to treat my friend so I said what the hell. We got all dressed up and headed to Trulucks. YUMMY. A big thank you to the guy who bought us drinks. :) It was a good meal and we got home about 12. I think I fell asleep on my friend and finally kicked her out and headed to bed.

Today I was going to go pick up the cat, but I happened to find more fleas in the house. I hate having them and something is bringing them in. I am going to kill every living thing in this house this week because I want my baby back home!! I woke up with my allergies in full attack so I did a little around the house and passed back out on the couch. I woke up around 3 and got moving for the day. Headed down to the parent units and enjoyed seeing the zoo and dinner. Now I am back home and about to go get ready for the week.

This week is a ton of work, Monday night study for my Tuesday test at school. The rest of the week is work, work, and more work. I need to get at least one project done.

Next weekend is a rare 2 day weekend for me so I have a home improvement project I get to do....repaint the back door. Builder grade paint job just isn't holding up so I need to take matters into my own hands to stop a mold invasion.

Off to get my clothes laid out for tomorrow and try and enjoy my last hours of free time.

Friday, October 23, 2009

Cry uncle and get the world

The way to get what you need at work I have cry uncle. Just say I am overwhelmed and get one of the tools I need to do my job. I am still overwhelmed but at least soon I will be able to do my work a little faster. Also having a great new employee to take some of the load off is nice.

I am feeling a little under the weather because of all of the stress I have been dealing with but I can feel the Theraflu kicking in and I know I shall be in dreamland sooner rather than later.

My Friday night consisted of going to the grocery store. I stocked up on meat and now I have chicken and pork chops to go to when I need food. I got tired of not having any protein in the house. And should I be scared of organic milk that lasts up to December 1? Horizon milk is all I ever get, not because of the organic factor (OK, not totally), but because it lasts so darn long! I will gladly pay 1 dollar or so more for milk that lasts. I hate throwing it out but I don't drink much so I end up throwing out a lot of milk. Or I did before I discovered the true cost about 4 years ago.

I have enough stuss to make potato leek soup, cauliflower soup, and tuna salad sandwiches!

This weekend will be full of fall cleaning, a night out with on eof my friends, studying, and sleeping in a little on Sunday.

Monday, October 19, 2009

Strange Days

Well, I'm back. I missed me. Not sure I can keep up this pace all the time but this time I am going to try to learn to control it. Spent all day dual flirting which was interesting to say the least. :) S definitely got her groove back. And let me just say I am NOT looking for a relationship, I am just having a ton of fun.

It's good to smile again. Tomorrow is work, girl doc, and school. It will be a LONG day I can already see it, but hopefully the fun will continue and I will have a smile on my face all day.

Sweet dreams to me.

Saturday, October 17, 2009

Afternoon nap - not a good idea

I knew I was way too hyper earlier today. I started at 8 being the hostess with the mostest at work today and it drained me. I got home about 1 and had great plans of cleaning up the pig sty. I fell asleep. Now am I awake but still tired. Once I get energy I will be able to get moving but energy is hard to come by in this house it seems. I have to get moving and get ready to go over to C's for a get together. Oh, caffeine please help me!

In other news, I am so torn on the whole school thing. I HATE my group. They seem to be a collection of know-it-all's who don't know shit. I see my group project going down in flames and no one seems to listen to me till I raise my voice. I compiled our paper in a logical manner that flowed all in. Come on people, it's a book critique...it isn't hard. And they decided that choppy was the way to go. Now, I would really try on this class but I think it isn't going to go with the class plan. I worked a deal that if I take the finance track at school then my school is paid for. If I do that then this class is not needed. I hate dropping classes but I think this is one I am going to be dropping on Monday. I have never screwed over a group but let the screwing begin.

I am also rethinking the 2nd Masters plan, or at least putting it on hold until I get this one done. I got the proposal Friday of what my role will morph into in the new company. It allows me to tell people what to do (by law), make sure things are getting done right, make sure clients are being treated fairly, and run the business. I see a C title that I have always worked toward with a stop as the Compliance Officer. I have to learn the in's and out's of the laws on investing and finance so that is something I enjoy.

However, right now I am just going to survive and not get wrapped around what is going on in all aspects of my life and spend more time living it.

OH!!!!! I'm working to get back into dating. Scary but looking forward to it. Now, I am not going to look for a serious dating relationship. I'm setting my sites on something pretty damn good, but until I find it, I am going to enjoy getting to know people.

Wednesday, October 14, 2009

Crazy week

What a crazy CRAZY week I have had.

I am heading back home tomorrow and not a moment too soon. Let me just say that this week has had amazing highs and really low lows. High point, reuniting with an old friend and being able to take my mind off of things for a little while. Low point, again feeling like I don't fit in here and that I don't belong and I am not appreciated for all that I do. High point, making a good impression on the new owners of our company. Low point, watching people put too much stock in awards and being sore losers AND winners of them. High point, RELAXING and somehow NOT getting a hang over for 3 nights of way too much drinking. Low point, watching one of our staff become a complete ass and party his way through a conference.

Tomorrow I catch an early flight back home and then go to the dentist to be put in pain. I also have a school paper to put together on a book that I have not read. I feel like my school has just gotten lost this semester and I really could care less. I think I just need to find my mojo again and push through. Next week I am heading to the doctor to get assistance with a bad habit that has crept it's way back into my routine.

Part of wanting to stop that habit is that I am thinking about dating again! I got a little motivation this week and now I want to get back into shape and work on getting comfortable in my own skin again. I have a chance to change my behavior from a past episode and I am going to make sure that I do just that. I have the words of one of my friends in my head to help and I need to make sure that I keep on the right track and in the right frame of mind.

Now, where does a person go to date when they are not looking for anything serious and just trying to get back into things? I have no desire to have a relationship. I really just want to go have fun for a while. Back in the day, I knew but now I really am clueless.

Friday, October 9, 2009


I have the giggles and can't stop.

Me having the giggles means different things to different people. If you have experienced my giggles then you know what mood I am in around you that started them. Each person gets giggles from me for a very different reason. Some like it and it annoys the crap out of others.

Oh well, my life, my rules right!

Progress update: Half way done. But the stack on invoices doesn't appeal to me at the moment. However, I got an email from my favorite vendor that an order I placed is ready but they can't get it out to me today. I need it in CA so I guess I just have to leave the office early to go get it. Darn the luck. ;)

The last day

I am trying to get moving for my last day in the office for 4 days. I am scared of how far behind I am going to get, especially since I have no desire to actually do anything today.

I feel like I am walking in a head cloud right about now. I told the lady at Starbucks to drive safe. I also might have told a pesky salesperson who stopped by that my name was Jennifer. (everyone calls me that anyway). Of course that was the one time I was thinking since I know I have talked to this guy on the phone before and I didn't want to be bothered. Sales people, please don't come into my office on a day when I am the only one here and it is nasty outside. I am rocking a long sleeve t-shirt, my mom sweater, my favorite pair of around the house sweats and tennis shoes. Hair in a bun, glasses, and no makeup. I'm not int the mood to be nice to anyone who walks in. I forgot a bulb for my desk lamp or else I would turn the office lights out and lock the doors.

Tonight is about packing, cleaning the house, and getting it ready to bomb. Yep,bug bomb time. Not the most pleasant of things to talk about but the bugs are making their way into the house and driving the cat crazy. While I am in SoCal and the cat is at the parental units, I figure it is the best time.

I still have to pack tonight as well and my great debate is whether to try and fit everything in a carry on or spread out and just check a bag. I am taking the camera so I think I am going to bite the bullet and check a bag. I dread that choice though, but my camera and equipment could take up half my usual carry on bag and then I still have to fit 4 days worth of clothes and school books. Last time I checked I ended up spending a Friday night in the San Diego airport waiting for them to arrive on the next flight.

Ok, I am going to sign off. If I get done everything on the list, I am going to just leave. I have a ton to do before I head out tomorrow and I think I need to spend time on that at the house. :) So, leave at 3 or whenever I get my stuff done. Whichever is later.

Wednesday, October 7, 2009

Just getting by

I really feel like that is how I am living right now. I get ahead, just to get behind again. I have to have some of my fillings redone and it is going to cost me $500 AFTER my insurance pays.

I know my mood is just crap after another fun group collaboration session, crappy weather, and a cat I love but is driving me up the freaking wall!!! She has gotten in the habit of wanting to lay as close to my face as she can. Last night, I was trying to read a book for school and she crawled into my arms. I ended up holding my 14 year old cat who hates people like a little baby for 30 minutes. I was cute but I couldn't finish my reading.

That brings me to another thought. Most of us are raised with the idea that we are supposed to get married and be moms. We play house, have our baby dolls, and tea party sets. I did those things, but I also have GI Joes, a race track set, and Hot Wheels. I am sure a lot of girls did. But what thoughts go through our head when we decide not to follow the path we were raised to take? More times that not lately, I have found myself deciding I don't want kids. I know at this moment my brain is not in a place to say definitively that this is what I decide, but it keeps looking more and more like it.

Tuesday, October 6, 2009

Testing my brain

If 1 out of 4 cars need an oil change. Was is the probability that exactly 2 cars out of the next 8 need an oil change....um, ok then. I am sure the answer will pop into my head in my sleep but really all I could think about is that my car would never be one of the two. I am particular about that.

Taking a short brain break before I dig into my book I have to start and finish tonight. Yea, the diet coke is on hand and if it doesn't do the trick, I have coffee to back it up. It's really hard when the rain and thunder makes me want to curl up in bed and relax.

I feel really bad. I went all PMS on a close friend who was already on delicate terms with me. I just hope I am forgiven. I honestly think is is going to take awhile.

Driving home tonight from school, I started listening to Nine Inch Nails and Pink Floyd while driving on a deserted highway with lightening going off all around me. It was very freaky and really neat...very surreal.

I started thinking about how I got through the last heartbreak and what made me start feeling good about myself which led to me getting back out in the world. When I ran got mad, sad, lonely,down, or couldn't get my mind off of the events that happened, I put on my running shoes and ran. It made me feel good about myself and that I could do something I never thought I could. Well, guess what I am going to be doing starting TOMORROW. Yep, time to get the shoes out and start running again. I had a nasty bruise on the bottom of my foot that is almost gone so no more excuses. If I can stay consistent for a month, the reward is new running shoes!! I know I should go longer but really, I think that after a month, my shoes are going to need to be replaced anyway.

No more procrastination....time to read.

Tuesday splurges

Well, I got a few things today in my morning round of websites. I was planning on doing my one purchase this month on a reading light for the bedroom. I am not going to lie to myself and say I am not going to get it. I am just going to call a reading light an educational expense. :)

Without further hesitation, today's purchases consisted of....

A new pair of shoes!! Imagine that. If you have seen my closet, that wouldn't be a surprise. I was in need of a new pair of good winter shoes and since I always wear black I thought this pair would fit the bill quit nicely.

I was also in need of a good work bag. I am all about the simple bag and usually stick with the same boring and this was no different. Since my work computer is my Mac Air,I am hoping it will fit. My current bag is on it's last life and I have been searching for a basic bag anyway so I figured why not. Hmm, since I do carry my Air to school, maybe this could be a school expense as well?

I was planning on adding to the Chuck collection this month, but I guess that will wait till next month. I have my heart set on a Navy pair and a pair to replace my black ones.

Back to the fun times of corporate finance!

Monday, October 5, 2009

Good Monday

Wow, today passed FAST!

I completely just blew past work today. I am not sure if I was productive or if I was just there. I guess I will find out tomorrow. In my personal endeavors I was very productive. I finished my email to the Department chair and got a very fast response. It was all positive. I will be applying in the next week or so and should start my first class in the Spring. That will bring me to taking 9 hours starting in the Spring. I have been living the easy life with 6 hours for too long. I mean, when I sit back and evaluate what I do, I goof off A LOT. I know I can do it, it will just be a matter of getting my life organized and on track. This is a must not a would like to.

Ok, off to cook dinner and study for my really fun Probability test tomorrow night. Oh, and for the geek/dork in my, C-Span Supreme Court week at 8!!! Oh man, did I really just admit that?

Kick in the pants

Well, I got the kick I needed. I submitted my letter of interest to the department chair at University A today. The goal is to see how I can start taking at least one class towards my M.A. No more being scared of failure or of what someone thinks of me. I am so excited!!!! Yes, I am sick when I get excited about 5+ more years at school. I guess when I think about it, I am trying to sign up for a lifetime of school and learning so what is 5 years.

Sunday, October 4, 2009

Menu fail

Ok, I'm not hungry. I went ahead and cooked but now I have a whole dish full of rolls I am not going to eat. I am trying to get it to cool off a little and I guess I will throw it in the fridge and see if I am hungry tomorrow. I have a feeling I won't be.

Having a major setback here. I should be reading a book for class that I should have had done 2 weeks ago. I just can't get into it. I have other things on my mind. I try to read and my mind wanders. I have to shake something I had buried a while ago. Sure, burying something will not make it go away but at least you don't have to deal with it. I think that is what I am doing with dating. I don't want to date. I have no desire to date. My heart was broken harder than it ever has been. For the first time, I was with someone I pictured a life with. Someone who treated me better than I deserved and someone who I saw a future with. Circumstance took that away. Now I don't want to have that happen again. Also, before I met him, I faced rejection after rejection after rejection. A year's worth to be precise. Hell, the guy I was with before him, was dating someone probably a good 2 months before we split and even before that, I faced every day knowing I wasn't want he wanted...I was the get by girl.

Now I am still dealing with the after effects of the relationship and life that has been going on. I have the happy weight on, my face is a wreck from stress and hormones. Add on to that, I am so scared of getting hurt that I take no pride in how I look. It is easier to be the girl who fades into the background, who doesn't put herself out there. This is how I deal with not getting hurt.

Now after two months, he is dating again. And I am here alone. Sure, I know what every self help book and every friend would say..buck up and just get out there. Nope, easier for me to just build the wall back up, bury the shit, be tough, and blend in.

Yes folks, this is the mother of all pity parties. This is how I put on the face day after day. All I can say is thank goodness I have my SoCal trip coming up. Seems to be the trip I am always on when getting over someone. I get to deal with my emotions for a few days,then get thrown into a work conference with 100 people I can't stand. Yea me!!!

I'm OK

Keep saying it and maybe it will be true right? Keep smiling and maybe one day it will be genuine. If you're smiling you can't cry. Be happy for all the good things in life. It could always be worse. If those in your life are happy you are happy. Be happy for the small things. Think about the big picture. The past is the past and should stay there. Things can't be undone. Live your life for what is, not for what was or what could be. If you aren't happy, you can change it. Be happy for what you have, not sad for what you don't have. Don't think about things you can't change. Focus on yourself and not others. Screw them, their loss. Do one thing to make yourself happy each day. Don't wait for someone to treat you special, treat yourself special. Live each day like your last. Tomorrow is another day. Don't worry, be happy. Life is good. Make the most of the cards you have been dealt. Don't think about what other people are doing in their lives, you only know half of the story in everyone's life but yours. Focus on yourself. Look forward to the adventure. Be true to yourself and your dreams. Don't be scared to live your dreams. Be prepared for greatness when you dream big. Execute.

Strange post I know, but more a train of thought of what I am thinking. Something to come back to when I need a lift. A little shook up at the moment, but this too shall pass.

What if the great love of my life is me? What if that is who I was destined to be with? What if the things I thought I wanted were only wants because society told me they were? What if I am living the life I was meant to live? The goals I have for myself were those that I was meant to have.

I know I have gotten my goals out in this venue before but I feel it is time to reaffirm them. I will complete my MBA in December of 2010. I will start next semester and concurrently enroll at TWU to get my MA in Government. I will also have to concurrently enroll at DCCCD or CCCCD to take 2 years of French. After I get my MBA in Political Science, I will enroll at UV to get a PhD in Legal History. I will sell the house and anything I have to do to do that. I will be ready for a lifestyle change. I will prepare for it and not live the life I could now, but instead I will save and live on less and stash money in the bank. I will forgo traveling to dream places, minus a trip to celebrate graduating from each of my schools. I will do this for me and not for anyone else. I will live my life for me. I will love me.

Sausage Rolls

Well, the sausage rolls were a great success. They were made for this week, but I of course had to try them. What if they were awful and I took them to work for breakfast? Then I would be without! ;)

My usual breakfast in the morning is a banana and a bagel sandwich made with a whole wheat mini bagel, a piece of non-fat cheese, and a Morningstar "sausage" patty. I decided to change it up a little and try something new. For the first time, I actually measured and followed a recipe, almost. I did use a mix of fresh sage and dried sage. I love sage so I wanted to make sure it had enough for my liking. So without further ado...

Savory Sausage Rolls
From Cooking Light....October 2009


6 servings (serving size: 2 rolls)

* 1 (11-ounce) can refrigerated French bread dough
* 2 tablespoons butter, melted
* 2 teaspoons chopped fresh sage
* 1/4 teaspoon salt
* 8 ounces reduced-fat pork sausage, cooked and crumbled (such as Jimmy Dean)
* 3/4 cup (3 ounces) shredded Gruyère cheese
* Cooking spray


1. Preheat oven to 350°.

2. Find lengthwise seam in dough. Beginning at seam, gently unroll dough into a rectangle on a lightly floured surface. Roll dough into a 13 x 8-inch rectangle; brush with butter, leaving a 1/2-inch border. Combine sage, salt, and sausage. Sprinkle sausage mixture evenly over dough, leaving a 1/2-inch border; top with cheese. Starting with a long side, roll dough up, jelly-roll fashion; press seam to seal (do not seal ends of roll). Cut 1 (1/2-inch-thick) crosswise slice from each end; discard. Slice roll crosswise into 12 (1/2-inch-thick) pieces; arrange in a 13 x 9-inch baking dish coated with cooking spray. Bake at 350° for 28 minutes or until golden.

Nutritional Information

16.8g (sat 7.9g,mono 6.4g,poly 1.2g)

Lazy Sunday...not so much

I was up at 7, which for me is a rare thing on a Sunday. Of course, I did lay in bed relax for a bit but I was up pretty early for me.

I got my menu planned for the week since this is a rare week of being in town for the whole week. Grocery store and back by noon. Now I have breakfast for the week cooking...sausage rolls!

Weekly menu is:

Sunday: Cabbage rolls, salad.
Monday: Mahi and white beans, spinach (maybe with goat cheese if I am needing a cheese fix).
Tuesday: Cabbage rolls (school night leftovers)
Wednesday: Dinner at C&C's.
Thursday: Cod Casserole
Friday: Turkey stuffed portobellos.
Saturday: On the road!

Now I get to wash clothes, clean up the house, and study a little...ok, a LOT.

I do have a few movies to watch that are due back tonight. Last night, I had grand plans of just vegging and watching movies. Change of plans when the DVD player finally died. I ended up plugging the Mac into the TV and watching it that way. All was good but the audio cable I have doesn't work with the Air so I ended up using the laptop for sound. Oh well, it all worked and I enjoyed a movie so it ended good!

Time to do another load of laundry.

Friday, October 2, 2009

Lost: Reward if found: My tolerance

Why oh why do I have to get old? I am entering my final day in the armpit of Texas and looking forward to the long drive back home this afternoon. It would be better if I didn't have an annoying headache.

Headache gotten from 2 rather large margaritas at dinner with a friend last night. My only question, is if I wake up feeling like poo and with a headache, why couldn't I at least gotten a little tipsier last night? I mean, how fun is it to just have a few drinks with dinner but have to pay for it the next day.

My first thought was, I just need to build that tolerance back up again. Umm no. I don't have the time for that and I think it would just hurt too bad. Second thought, just stop drinking. Umm no. I enjoy my wine, my mixed drinks, and my Shiner. I think I will just have to start following the college rule...one drink, one water. Get home, more water and a handful of Tylenol.