Wednesday, December 16, 2009

Can I stop time please?

I am currently watching Paula's Cookie Swap and feeling like a complete Christmas failure.

Presents are just thrown around the house. Wrapping paper is no where to be found. Christmas tree is in the attic. One present still to get this weekend. The one Christmas decoration a friend brought me, a poinsettia, is about to die. People will be lucky to get their presents in paper bags.

I feel like I am looking at everyone enjoying the holidays through a window or as a TV show all around me. I am not even phased by them right now. My Christmas plans will be going to my parents' house on Christmas eve, heading to my grandmother's for lunch on Christmas and then heading home to watch TV. My New Year's Eve will consist of an 8am dentist appointment, cleaning house (maybe painting my office finally), cooking dinner, maybe renting a movie and going to sleep well before midnight. Such a change from last year. Not that I am sad and missing it though. Last year was the Christmas and New Year's I wanted to experience once and I got it. I can't complain.

I think the stress of the hell hole is getting to me and preventing me from enjoying the holidays. It is sad when the best present they could give me would be to let me go on Wednesday. I am being told to work slow and stretch it out so I can get paid fro a little longer. It is so bad now that I don't want to do that. But then again, I also don't want my savings for the last 2 years to go towards living for the next few months. At this point though, this place is sucking the life out of me. I have no desire to do anything, to go anywhere, to meet anyone. I just want to get on to the new job where I can be happy working for my mentor and friend and start making my own living. I also get to meet new people and start having a life again. I am most looking forward to having weekends off again. After 5 years, I can finally have my weekends back.

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