Tuesday, February 23, 2010

Long time no post

Things have been dysfunctional here in functional world.

My grandmother passed away last Friday and the funeral was today.  I wasn't close to her so it has been strange coming to terms with all the strange emotions I am feeling and the ones I think I should be feeling but am not.  That's pretty much all I want to say about it in the blog world. I am working through most of it in my paper journal.

I really don't go religion on my blog but I have try to observe Lent during the season as a way to get back to center and get back to what is important in life.  This time, I decided to give up the things that keep me distracted and not focused on the greater things that are important...email and Facebook.  I know I have to check email as a matter of communication for school and the job search but I do that during normal work hours and check out of work hours at most twice in the night just for school matters.  Facebook, I haven't been on in about 2 weeks now.  I have to get back on in a few days for a intern project for my boss' radio show but other than that, right now I have no desire to be online.  I don't care if my high school classmates are sick, their kids are sick, they are going to work out, they are cooking dinner, or anything like that.

The only thing I miss are the daily NPR posts.  So, instead I went and added my favorite shows on to my Twitter and now I can get the feeds I want to see.  Yes, I am still using Twitter.  It is a big part of my job right now and I really handle 3 different feeds. I have my personal one attached to the blog that I rarely update unless I have a bitch or just a strange thought.  My professional one is where I follow all my business contacts and organizations and contribute on that with work related and career information.  Then I "ghost post" for my boss on his.

School is kicking my butt.  I have about 4 things due this week so I am using the fact that I am interning for free to my advantage and trying to get more work done at the office or leaving early to work on homework.

But, all in all I am trying to stay optimistic and I am keeping my head up.  Of course it would help if one day it would be warm and I could see the sun again!!!

Tuesday, February 16, 2010

What was I doing at 16?

First, I know this should go on Twitter but it's late and I don't really give a crap.  Now, back to the reason of the post...

What were you doing at 16?  Me, let's just say I hit a lot of milestones at 16 (both good and bad) and leave it at that shall we.

But this to me is amazing.  www.abbysunderland.com

I am looking forward to following her while she attempts her dreams.

Fat Tuesday already?

I must be the most boring person alive!  My friend had to remind me it was Mardi Gras time.  I didn't even think about that.  I must be getting old :)

I also need to confess my dirtiest secret...I have been watching the Bachelor.  I know!!!!  It is trashy TV that just rots your brain. But I needed a good laugh folks!  I think it was the catty girl behavior that drew me in.  Last night I stopped watching it as a type of protest.  He sucks, nuff said, I'm over it and gaining 2 hours of my life each week back.

Let's see, Monday was a crappy Monday.  I was in a foul mood and just stayed quiet at the office all day.  I finally let it all out and turns out I wasn't the only one feeling it...the boss man was too.  He and I have worked together for 9 years and both have this thing for working at full capacity 100% of the time. Right now we can't and it is driving us both bat shit crazy.  It will get better....it has to.

That said, today started out the same. It did get better but I am still fighting to get my vacation pay from my old job.  The fact they keep screwing me over and lying to me just kills me.  It isn't the way to do business and is just shows how low they are going and how much they can talk the talk but can't walk the walk. I need that money for some pretty important things (think health).  They are just being butts and not paying me.  That and the fact that my "unpaid" internship is going to have to come to an end soon is getting to me.  I finally had to say something today about that fact that if I didn't get on the payroll March 1 I was going to have to start looking for a paying job until I got on the payroll somewhere.  I love my job and that was a hard conversation to have.    Dealing with all of this for almost 4 months is taking it's toll on me.  And it has gone from mental to physical so not cool.  But, got rid of some of it by having a cry fest on the way home today.  Just what I needed. And why is it when I was 23 and stress, I could lose weight and not that I am 33 I am gaining it.  It really isn't fair.  :(

In less whiney news...I found a tailor today!  I know, stupid things make me happy.  I'm rather well endowed if you haven't heard and I am also VERY hourglass shaped.  I usually have to get a lot altered. So today my boss had his suit guy in the office getting measured for new suits.  (Side note, I ended up picking out the fabric which was fun in this slave to fashion way).  I asked him if he knew of anyone who could handle my alterations and he said he would love to.  Bonus....he will come to the office to get them.  Now, if I can resume the paycheck to be able to afford it all will be good!


Sunday, February 14, 2010

Happy Sunday

Being single, I choose not to celebrate the holiday that was today.  I have nothing wrong with hearts, flowers, red, pink and chocolate.  I just choose not to participate.  I have passed the point of caring about it for the most part.  I have had one good Valentine's Day in my dating career (last year).  I experienced it, I liked it and now I am single again so I don't make a big deal.  No one called to wish me happy day, no cards, no emails, no Facebook wishes, nothing and I am OK with it.  Moving on...

I am so overwhelmed with school!!  I have no clue how I completely missed a quiz I was supposed to do. I have NEVER done that and I feel like a loser for doing it.  It just means I have to buckle down and get back on track.  I have probably 3-4 hours of school work to do each night after my 9-10 hours of work each day.

I am searching for a good place to do my school work.  I know I know, I have a perfectly good house to do my work at.  But I am learning that I am having a hard time concentrating and doing my work when I get home.  I seem to get a little too relaxed.  I have never created that good study place at the house.  I am contemplating going to the SMU library right by the office after work, going to my favorite Starbucks or find a new favorite one.   All I know is I need to get my butt in gear.  I can do anything for 9 more months right?

I'm signing off with one more snow pic.  This is my "puppy" enjoying her snow day.  She does have a tail it's just behind her.  I only say that because someone asked me when she was a puppy if I was going to crop her tail!  HELL NO!!!  Different strokes for different folks but I personally could never do that to an animal of mine.  I don't care if it is the accepted look for a dog.  I can't do it.

Friday, February 12, 2010

Weekly Menu

Here we go!  This is just the dinner portion of the weekly menu.  I actually plan out EVERYTHING for the week so I can be better at making sure I don't stray and eat the junk.

Saturday:  Greek Chicken (CL – Great Plates, p. 53)
Sunday:  Soy-Ginger soup with chicken (BHG Slow Cooker, p66)
Monday:  Greek Chicken (CL – Great Plates, p. 53)
Tuesday: pork chops, green beans
Wednesday: work meeting out
Thursday: BBQ chicken & zucchini
Friday:  Pizza Friday! (homemade of course)

Yea Olympics!!

I'm not a big cold weather person but I LOVE the winter Olympics!  I have been waiting for this night and I am SO glad I was able to get the DVR installed so I can record everything I want.  I can't think of any sport in the winter Olympics that I don't enjoy watching.

It was a lazy day (but productive) around the house.  I threw the cat out again and this time she ventured to touch the snow.

What you don't see is how fast she pulled that one little paw back and gave me the WTF!!!  look.  Yea, not liking the snow.  She instead would rather sit on top of my chair by the window and just stare at it all day.  Just like me, pretty from the inside, plain cold when outside.  But it is nice to have a little winter on the ground to make it feel like Olympic time. Thank you mother nature for giving me great decorations for this weekend.

Now it is time to grab some of my cookbooks and plan a menu for next week.  Tomorrow is the matinee of Valentine's Day (the ONLY think I will do even close to acknowledging the holiday) and then grocery store to get what I need for the week and curl up back at the house.  Oh wait, I need to go to get picture frames for my office pictures and THEN come curl up at the house.

As always, I will post the menu once I have it nailed down.  The goal on this one is to be able to make some ingredients do double duty and keep the grocery store bill to a minimum.

Thursday, February 11, 2010

Snow Day!

I am loving this weather!  It has been snowing in Dallas ALL DAY.  They are saying it is the largest snow storm on record.  And I went to work in it.  If you know me you know that white stuff and ice stuff are not my driving friends.  I already decided I am keeping my old car when I get a new one just so I have something to drive in this weather just in case.  I freak all the time! The view from my office was very fun to see though.  I love being on the 8th floor to watch it.  It looked so peaceful and pretty.

Apparently the cat isn't a fan of the white stuff either.  I put her outside just to see what would happen.  I think this is the one time I have never worried about her running off.  I shut the door, counted to 5, opened the door and watched the wet fur ball fly through the door.  She didn't even put a little paw in the snow to see what the white stuff was.  She is NOT a cold weather cat.  I think she is still upset at me for that one.  I have caught her giving me the kitty death stare a few times tonight.  If you don't hear from me tomorrow, the cat did it.

Tomorrow is an at home day for me.  I have an event to plan, appointments to set, and some web pages to work on.  I hope I can get some of my school work done too.  I really need to start my simulation report and start working on a case study for my Ops class. Ah, just 10 more months.  I just have to keep saying that.

On top of the school work, I am going to try and do my weekend cleaning and menu tomorrow so that I can enjoy the weekend and do another freezer cook Sunday.

I was going to do a office snow picture but they came out kinda funky.  This was also on my phone as a picture.  Can you tell me how in the world it took a picture or rather saved a picture of this?? (yes I have a wonderful 1st gen iPhone...I'm cheap where my phone is concerned.  Why yes, that picture is one of my originals)  Strangeness.

Wednesday, February 10, 2010

10pm already?

I can't believe it is already 10pm!!  Time seems to be just running away lately. 

I know that I did stuff today but I just can't seem to piece it all together.  Work is finally starting to make sense to me.  For 5 years I was in a role where there was a definite time to do everything.  Now I am in a position where I basically call the shots on what I do and when I do it.  It was hard at first trying to adjust but I am getting there.  It is fun going from complete beginning to hopefully successful end.

I haven't been paying attention to my personal life again.  Writing tonight is the first step to that.  I am working on a menu for next week, catching up on school and getting the house picked back up. I need to do a Month in Review post for my 2010 goals.  The only reason I haven't is because my stupid girl issues put my weight loss in a weird place.  Nothing makes you feel like a loser (even it is beyond your control) than gaining 9 pounds in 2 days.  Yep, you read it right.  I worked hard in January to lose 6 pounds.  Within 2 days and no changes in diet or exercise made, I gained it all back and then some.  I know what it is but it just gets to you.  You have no idea how crappy it made me feel.

But I am getting over it and trying to just keep eating right and taking care of myself even if I don't actually lose pounds on the scale.  It just sucks at times.

Bed time for me!!

Sunday, February 7, 2010

Big Fat Sunday Fail

Well today didn't go quite as I had been hoping.  I am not sure why I thought it would go good.  I mean, I had to do  few things that just depressed me so I should have figured out it would take up my emotions during the day,

Today was my grandmother's birthday party  Yea, grandmother for being 8X years old!!  The sad part is that she has stage 4 bile duct cancer that is now causing blood clots some of which have cause mild strokes.  The doctors have said there is really nothing more they can do and the goal now is to just make her comfortable.  We were not too close for a large period of my adult life and not I am having the normal regrets and trying to make up for lost time.  Now every time I go up there the chances that it will be the last time always get greater.  So saying good bye was very hard.

Once I was done there, I drove an hour and a half to go to my boss' party. Someone who contributed a lot to my last 2 months of hell at my old job and who repeatedly stabbed me in the back was there. After the crap earlier I just wasn't up for dealing with this.  I walked out the back door, said good bye to no one and just left.  I IMed my boss and thanked him for the invite but that I was not going to be able to stay in that enviroment.  I ended up at Starbucks to study and take a test.  It was nice being able to just chill and try and forget. 

I was doing so well until my father called and decided I needed a lecture and to be told I needed to go back to the party.  I told him no lecture please and he proceeded to lecture me.  So I got a 10 minute lecture in Starbucks on my attitude and dealing with people from the one person who is the crabbiest and never goes to parties.  Needless to say I was not happy with my dad at the end of the call and I will not be talking to him for while.

Yes, I am passive aggressive at times and I am damn of it.

Now I have a relax pill on board and I am avoiding the Super Bowl and watching a movie I have been wanting to watch. Soon I will be transferring to bed and going to bed.

I also think I am going to freeze my eHarmony account.  I have 993 closed matches.  993 folks, that is a lot.  out of those I have had 2 good relationships that actually turned out shitty.  I'm not in a dating mood at the moment.  Why not?

I am once again missing something that every woman who is not trying to get pregnant has.  This for me usually is caused by stress and emotions.  It brings with it RAPID weight gain (think 8 pounds, 2 days), crazy emotions and swings.  You can see that this is not a condition that I want to be dating in. 

I am also continuing with the job search.  I am just not sure I am where I want to be.  I have told my boss a few times what I am interested in and what I want to eventually do and he doesn't seem to listen.  I want to learn about the markets and how to do the allocations and the trading.  He wants me to plan events (which I don't mind), be his assistant, have no client interactions, have me do the work and he takes the credit.  See, not sure what I want. 

Again, my hormones are in full effect. 

Tuesday, February 2, 2010

Max Chillax

I am so far behind on my schoolwork and I should be staying up late tonight to try and catch up.  But nope, I did CRAP tonight and now I am sitting here writing and listening to a lotta bit of jazz. I am quite relaxed thank you very much.  It has taken me 2 months to relax this hard so why would I kill it with school work.  I promise myself I will keep the new awesome TV channels turned off tomorrow and kick it up in high gear and get this crap done.

Can it get any better!!   Yep, I am singing along and just smiling.  Amazing what a few days and a little bit of just getting stuff off my chest can do.  Oh sure there is still enough there to make a totally sane person go crazy but when you are pretty much crazy, it feels like a holiday.

Monday, February 1, 2010

Taking matters into my own hands

Minds out of the gutter!!!!

I have been in a funk, as is well documented, lately.  Well today I talked to my dad who is always in a funk.  I got so upset and frustrated.  Then it dawned on me that I have been that way too and and I need to snap out of it. 

So now I am getting out of it.  Sure, the guy who has had my number for 4 days hasn't called. Sure, I lost some of my stride on my weight loss, sure I haven't seen the freaking sun in what feels like forever.  I'm gonna get over it.

So I have stuck to my dinner plan!! I am craving something sweet and I am not really sure what I have that will help the Cheesecake Factory craving I seem to be having. 

I have to admit that right now I am watching The Bachelor and it is making me want to go to San Francisco!!