Sunday, February 7, 2010

Big Fat Sunday Fail

Well today didn't go quite as I had been hoping.  I am not sure why I thought it would go good.  I mean, I had to do  few things that just depressed me so I should have figured out it would take up my emotions during the day,

Today was my grandmother's birthday party  Yea, grandmother for being 8X years old!!  The sad part is that she has stage 4 bile duct cancer that is now causing blood clots some of which have cause mild strokes.  The doctors have said there is really nothing more they can do and the goal now is to just make her comfortable.  We were not too close for a large period of my adult life and not I am having the normal regrets and trying to make up for lost time.  Now every time I go up there the chances that it will be the last time always get greater.  So saying good bye was very hard.

Once I was done there, I drove an hour and a half to go to my boss' party. Someone who contributed a lot to my last 2 months of hell at my old job and who repeatedly stabbed me in the back was there. After the crap earlier I just wasn't up for dealing with this.  I walked out the back door, said good bye to no one and just left.  I IMed my boss and thanked him for the invite but that I was not going to be able to stay in that enviroment.  I ended up at Starbucks to study and take a test.  It was nice being able to just chill and try and forget. 

I was doing so well until my father called and decided I needed a lecture and to be told I needed to go back to the party.  I told him no lecture please and he proceeded to lecture me.  So I got a 10 minute lecture in Starbucks on my attitude and dealing with people from the one person who is the crabbiest and never goes to parties.  Needless to say I was not happy with my dad at the end of the call and I will not be talking to him for while.

Yes, I am passive aggressive at times and I am damn of it.

Now I have a relax pill on board and I am avoiding the Super Bowl and watching a movie I have been wanting to watch. Soon I will be transferring to bed and going to bed.

I also think I am going to freeze my eHarmony account.  I have 993 closed matches.  993 folks, that is a lot.  out of those I have had 2 good relationships that actually turned out shitty.  I'm not in a dating mood at the moment.  Why not?

I am once again missing something that every woman who is not trying to get pregnant has.  This for me usually is caused by stress and emotions.  It brings with it RAPID weight gain (think 8 pounds, 2 days), crazy emotions and swings.  You can see that this is not a condition that I want to be dating in. 

I am also continuing with the job search.  I am just not sure I am where I want to be.  I have told my boss a few times what I am interested in and what I want to eventually do and he doesn't seem to listen.  I want to learn about the markets and how to do the allocations and the trading.  He wants me to plan events (which I don't mind), be his assistant, have no client interactions, have me do the work and he takes the credit.  See, not sure what I want. 

Again, my hormones are in full effect. 

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