Monday, May 30, 2011

The Alternative

I'm watching the new Extreme Makeover show and a comment this girl said made me think.  I believe her comment was "if I didn't get this chance I would have had the lap band surgery" or something to that effect.

I want to preface this with this...these are my own opinions.  I am do not know your situation.  It is just how I feel take it or leave it.

I am opposed to weight loss surgery.  While I have not been struggling with my weight for my whole life, I have been dealing with it for 10+ years.  I knew what eating healthy and working out were.  I was lazy.  Add on to that and I was dealing with some major emotional issues. This is not the place to start that conversation but let's say it took 4 years of therapy to get my brain to where it was.  I consider the decision to finally get my weight back under control a phase of therapy so to speak.  I had to get my brain where it is before I decided to do something.

When I started my journey to weight loss, I had someone ask me why I just didn't get "that surgery" and be done with it.  WHAT!!  To me, that is not an option.  I didn't put this weight on over night and it is only natural for it not to come off over night. I sweat my butt off every day, I work on my diet, I learned what works for me and what doesn't in terms of exercise and nutrition.  I have learned how to not let my emotions inhibit my efforts.  I know I have to learn a new lifestyle.  I have to change.  A surgery won't do it for me.

While I am sure there are those who it works for, the people I know who have had it have used it as the easy way.  I know them well enough to know there are learned bad habits at play and life issues at hand that have not been handled.  I spent a week with two of them.  The topic of conversation was their complication and life after the surgery...all while using their precious little food they are allowed on junk food and wine.  How is that helping!  What are you learning? These two, don't exercise and have done nothing to change other than go under the knife.  Why would you think this would be a long term solution if you aren't learning to live healthy?

All I can say is if surgery is your option, use it and learn and lose the weight and change your habits and life.  User is at a tool to change your life, don't use it as THE life change.

Just my thoughts....but comments are getting turned off.  I don't need a debate on my opinion.  It isn't changing.

Wednesday, May 25, 2011

Quick Update

It's late, I'm tired, but I felt the need to post tonight.

Last night around here was rough weather-wise.  Thank goodness I didn't sustain any damage but some people were not so lucky.  The only thing that was damaged last night was my sleep and apparently my wake up time this morning.  The electricity must have gone out and my alarm went with it. I noticed when it was 7:30 and I was waking up when I should have been leaving.

The eating has been amazing this week!  I even went to a work lunch yesterday and they chose Mexican.  I was able to resist the chips and ordered the lite fajitas which was basically grilled chicken and steamed broccoli.  I didn't even crave my usual foods.  I have stayed away from sugar and haven't even been tempted.  I credit it with actually bringing my food with me and eating every few hours.

Another great thing that has helped me is watching the weight melt off.  Seriously, I had read that clean eating helps but wow!!  From Monday - Wednesday I have seen in go down by 3 pounds.  I know the fluctuation is normal but I honestly can't wait until official weigh day on Monday to see what I have done.  It is motivation in and of itself to keep going.

Monday, May 23, 2011

Being Good is Tiring

Oh my!!!

I felt like all I did today was either eat, decide when to eat, cook, or workout.  It is going to take some time to get the hang of making all my food and carrying it with me but I am gonna do it.

Overall, it was a good day!  I never got hungry and I was able to try a few new things.  I am going to have to figure out how to do this a little cheaper but overall, we're looking good.

With student loan payments coming up, I think it is second job time.  I found some at the gym and I am going to go up there tomorrow to apply.  It is actually at another gym (associated with mine) so I hope I can apply and get it.  It would give me additional money as well as training discounts!  I talked to my trainer about it tonight and he said it was 50% off the price.  Yippee!!!

I am actually going to be getting a raise in June but I am starting to think that for a while I need to get a second job regardless to build the savings back up and pay for a few other things I am working on.  I can get upset about it but I think I am going to look at it as a chance to build up my bank and get the cushion back.

Is This the Right Track?

Lately, I feel like I hav been on more of a healthy subway system than a train.  I hop on and off so much that it is making me dizzy. No wonder I have been on a plateau for so long. 

I decided that this week, I was going to give 100% and see what happend.  Saturday I headed to Central Market and avoided all the things that normally bring me to my knees....cheese please!! I got all the veggies that I needed and a few of the other things I can only get there are at Whole Foods (which I rarely go to).  Let's just say, my fridge looks like a mini garden now. 

The  best part of my Central Market experience was that I took my mom.  She had never been so it was nice to be able to take her to experience it.  I told her the scary thing about all of the veggies and food I got was that most of it would be gone by the end of the week.  Crazy that one person can eat that much, but really I do.  It's the difference between heathly food and junk food.

I was good and packed all my food for the day last night so this morning when I woke up late as usual, all I had to do was throw it in my cooler bag and go. 

So what is this all in thing I am doing you ask?  Well, it is back to the gym for some serious workouts this week; no excuses gotta do it.  As for the food, I am back to a 100% clean diet.  That means no sugar, only whole foods, minimal processed food, and small meals throughout the day.  I don't claim to be an expert on any "diet" and I actually hate that word.  My eating plan is not a diet, it is the way I choose to eat and what I found has worked for my physical and MENTAL well being.  I am very in tune with my body and the inputs versus the outputs (mood, energy, strength, etc.).  Health issues have made me be this way and honestly I love it.

Anywho, so I am back on a good meal plan and exercising.  When I get tempted to go hit up the candy drawer at work, I know that I have food in the fridge that I can eat. Also when the M&M urge starts overtaking the yogurt I have with me, I start telling myself  1X2 is the goal and you can do it.  I am my own best/worst cheerleader.

Back to work.  Soon, I will be adding more about how I eat, the workout successes and failures all with pics to keep myself accountable!!  Slowly but surely my blog is finding a purpose in my life.

Wednesday, May 11, 2011

Tuesday Fail...But Not.

So I did not make it to the gym yesterday.  However, I did make it to my therapist.  I will now fully admit that.  The brain workout and the talking about what is going on helps so much and I know it will ultimately help my gym time.

Sharing time...

I have lived with depression most of my life. A lot of that time it has been considered severe.  About 5 years ago, I decided I needed to get help because I couldn't keep living the way I was.  Over the past 5 years, I have learned a lot about myself and how to combat the issues that bring about a bad episode.  Lately, I got overwhelmed and slipped back into the hole so to speak.  It has been effecting my health, my attitude with my friends and family, my attitude toward myself, and my working out.  Yesterday, I went and started back on the path to get back in control and I feel better about my outlook.  I know I won't be back to "normal" for a while but now I can start working on getting there instead of beating myself up for getting away from there.

Depression is something that never truly goes away in my opinion.  Others might say you can cure it, I say you can learn the what triggers it and learn behaviors to keep it at bay.  But you can never let your guard down.  You have to really learn yourself and be aware of what is going on around you.  To me it is kind of like working out.  I learn what works for me and what doesn't.  I always learn new things to try and add to my arsenal of things to help me get better.  If anything, I feel lucky to be able to experience the side I called hell and the good side.  I found out what makes me tick, how I respond to my environment, what I will tolerate in my life and what I won't all for the sake of me.  I believe that it takes a strong person to learn that much about themselves (the good and the bad).  Throughout this journey I have become such a stronger person.  Some people in my life have told me I have always been a strong person and while that might be true, it is only when I can see my growth, my determination, and my attitude change that I realize it. 

Monday, May 9, 2011

Here We Go Again With Monday

All in all, a good day.

I was able to stay on track as far as eating goes (except for that Dr. Pepper that got left in the fridge).  I don't really feel bad about the Dr. P though, I have more than enough calories to cover it and I can't see pouring it out! Once it is gone, then the sugar will be out of the house again and I can go back to 100% clean.

Right now, there is a quiche cooking in the oven.  Dinner and breakfast for tomorrow and maybe even dinner again tomorrow.  It feels good to get my eating back under control.  I am actually looking forward to  experimenting and trying a few new things I have found online.

The workout today was awesome!!  I went into the gym a little upset about some stuff and ready to work out the aggression.  I ended up training for an hour with my trainer and then he left me on the treadmill where I busted out some HIIT sprints for about another 45 minutes.  I could have gone on but I know it's the first day of the week and I have a lot more workouts to complete and my legs are gonna thank me later this week.

One thing I did realize after my workout is I need a pedicure in the worst way!!  I'll leave out the unpleasant details but let's just say that I will be going next week to get one...even if it isn't in the budget.  Heck, I might even splurge and do it this week if I can find the time.

Sunday, May 8, 2011

Happy Mother's Day

Why is it that every time my parents leave, I get sad?  I live only about 45 minutes from them and I work about 15 minutes from them, but I always seem to miss them when they aren't around.

They came up to the house today and I got to cook a completely unhealthy meal!  I cooked my favorite pork cutlet (the only healthy thing I cooked).  I even have one for tomorrow.  With that I cooked Macaroni and Cheese, Green beans with Bacon and Onions, and Strawberry Shortcake for dessert.  All from scratch. YUMMY!!  Of course I took no pictures, but let's just say that it was an amazing plate.  Now, I am going to be detoxing all the fat and sugar out next week.

Speaking of next week, I am not ready for work tomorrow!  As much as I hated the old four day, ten hour schedule I had, there are times I miss it.  It was great having that extra day off.  Why is it that I never seem to get enough time off to feel relaxed and normal, even when I take vacation. I just got back and I am ready to go on another one.

Friday, May 6, 2011

Sleeping Beauty

Can someone please tell me why my sleep is so off?!?!  My go to bed about 10:30 and usually fall asleep about 11.  My alarm is set to go off around 5:30.  That gives me 30 minutes to wake up before I need to start getting ready at 6.  This past week, I have been passing out the minute my head hits the pillow.  I am completely sleeping through my alarms. Which in and of its self is amazing seeing as my phone alarm is the loudest, most annoying sound you can find and it is right next to my head and my other alarm is my radio blaring pumped through the whole house. 

This morning, I became coherant at 7am. Coherant meaning I could not remember what day it was and thought it was the weekend and I could go back to sleep.  I finally realized I had one more day of hell work and got up and rushed to get ready and get out of the house.

Because I have been so off, I think this weekend is going to be about getting my stuff together.  I need to mow, wash clothes and cars, clean the house, finally make a menu plan again; basically get life in order again.

Thursday, May 5, 2011

Back to Reality

The last week has been a blur.  From getting sick to going on a mini vacation it's been a long week.

I wasn't the smartest cookie when I decided to go out for four days and just enjoy being around friends and good music and alcohol...lots of alcohol.  I got back on Sunday and collapsed.  I think I woke up somewhat from the haze on Wednesday.  Truth be told, the haze is still lingering a little.  So is the cough that held over from being sick before I left.  But I survived!

I came back to the same issues and blah feelings.  I honestly think, the lack of school is starting to get to me.  There are no more goals, no more deadlines, and nothing to work towards.  It's a bummer after doing it for ten years.  

I am starting to find goals to work towards again though. The eating right train and the fit train came back to town so that is coming together again. I hope that will get me mentally feeling better.  The thought has seriously crossed my mind to start training for a half marathon. It's a big goal that will take a lot of work and build up but it is something long term to work towards.  

I have also been thinking of where I want this blog to go. I would love for it to focus on my training and my diet.  I love to cook and try to make some of my favorite southern comfort foods healthier and would like to try my hand at making good, solid recipes.  

Today is a sad day for me.  Four years ago, I stopped celebrating the holiday everyone else celebrates.  Four years ago today, I lost one of the most special people in my grandma.  She was my rock, my sounding board, and my cheerleader.  Everyday, I think about her and sometimes I cry when things are tough and I miss my safe place.  I know I will see her again and that makes me happy.  Every day, I hope she is smiling down on me and proud of all I have done in my life.